Brainwashing Children

12 Responses to “Is blocking a child’s love child abuse?”

1. 

   Michael
   

   12. Jun, 2009

   I am at my wits end. I and my soon to be ex have had joint custody for over a year, my son is now 4. Our final custody and divorce trial is set for July 2, (3 weeks from now). Just this week my son was all of the sudden afraid to come home with me. He fears I will not ever bring him back to see his mom. And now there are bad guys at my house who are going to hurt him and his mother. He won’t sleep in his own room or even go to the bathroom in my house unless I go because my ex has him sacred to death of me and my house. This started long ago with her turning him against my sister and his cousin. From the moment he arrives back in my care, she starts telling him he missed a party, or all the kids are playing at there house, or they have a new toy or video game. Most of the time she is lying, but he does not know that until he has a fit and wants to go home. Any advice out there on how I remain sane, and keep my son from not loving me and being scared to come to my house.
2. 

   Anetra
   

   15. Jun, 2009

   I am currently dealing with an alienating estranged husband. Our oldest child(daughter)has been emotionally manipulated and is furious with me with ideas that I am destroying the family. Our younger child (son) returned recently from a visitation explaining to me that his sister told him to tell the judge that he wants to live with Dad and he will get to see me as often as he wishes. I feel caught between a rock and a hard place as I simply feel it would be more damaging for me to teach the children not to trust their Dad. I don’t know how long it will take my ex to heal and stop using the children as confidants in adult issues between us. I am looking for a child therapist in the Chicago area that might have some experience treating brainwashed children in these situations without making either parent the villain. Hard to do…any recommendations?
3. 

   admin
   

   15. Jun, 2009

   Michael: I feel your plight. Your ex is doing an effective job of brainwashing your son to despise you. Here’s what I would do if i was in your shoes:

   1. Buy a small video camera (like the Flip Mino) and start videotaping your exchanges and your son’s moments of fear.

   2. Calmly respond to his fears, telling him there’s no monsters or bad people in your home.

   3. Find a child therapist who deals with “play therapy” and who’s familiar with Parental Alienation Syndrome. Place your child with the professional immediately, or modify your decree if it’s a right denied the non-custodial parent (as it is in my case).

   Above all, stay the course. Don’t give up. Don’t start getting emotional around him like your ex is doing. DO THE OPPOSITE: Calm, understanding, and explain to your son how he needn’t be afraid when he goes through his outbursts.

   Finally, keep a log of all the weird comments your son makes. This will be helpful when you go to court and need to remember the things he said (even though it will be considered “hearsay,” it still is good for documenting the abuse for a professional therapist). I’m going to make a post on that issue here soon.

   Check back with me here and let me know how it goes. Thanks for sharing.
4. 

   admin
   

   15. Jun, 2009

   Anetra: Good going seeking treatment for the abuse. That’s step one. Like you said, find somebody who is well versed in Parental Alienation Syndrome. Believe it or not, some professionals out there don’t think this even exists. The name shouldn’t matter, it still describes the behavior of getting a child to despite his or her own parent. I digress…

   Anetra, go out and by a small video camera like the Flip Mino. I’ve used it during exchanges where my son is crying because he doesn’t want to see me, and during talks with him where I’m asking him why he doesn’t want to be with me at all anymore. This footage will come in handy when played in front of a judge or jury. It’s helped my case immensely.

   Also start keeping a log on all the weird statements from your children and your ex. Over years you’ll forget what they said, and that’s not good if somebody goes for custody change or modification of the decree.

   Read what I wrote in the reply above, most of that can apply to you as well.

   I feel your pain, I really do. Just DO THE RIGHT THING (unlike your ex), hang in there, and never give up on this battle.
5. 

   lauren
   

   18. Jun, 2009

   I am going through this situation now…and have been for the past 9 years. Recently my ex convinced my son to run away and say that he wanted to live with him so that he would not have to pay child support. My son did it willingly, not even thinking about my feelings. His father even called the police and got my son to tell them that I was beating him. All of this was a surprise to me because my son had not been in trouble for months and had just been playing with me the night before the runaway. The runaway happened 3 months ago and he still doesn’t feel he or his dad did anything wrong. He says that I am wrong because I made him stay home (no visitation with dad) for an entire month after the incident. Not to mention I was also 9 months pregnant at the time and this stress was definitely not needed. My son’s father now tells my son how he was hurt and cried every night for the entire month that he could not see him. To this day i ask my son why, why did he do it. And he cannot give me an answer. To lie and do something so deceitful…is truly unbelievable. The brainwashing thing is real….It’s like the person living in my house is not even my son. If I try to talk to him in goes in one ear and out of the other. He gives total respect to his father and step mother…but acts out at him with my husband and I. It’s sad, but his father is setting him up to be a failure and not take responsibility for his actions. It seems like a lost cause sometimes.
6. 

   Leslie
   

   28. Jul, 2009

   What do you do when it not just your ex, but his mother, sister, other family and friends as well? They distort everything I do, the past, present and our plans for the future. What do I do? I will never give up, but I have no money to fight it now. And what kind of therapist should I contact? A child one? A family one? I don’t know what to do.
7. 

   admin
   

   29. Jul, 2009

   You raise a good point, Leslie.

   I’m going to write an article on that topic. Thanks for bringing this up. In fact, an ex can do ZERO brainwashing, but enlist his siblings, parents, and friends in the war against you.

   To answer your question: You need to contact a child therapist that utilizes “play therapy.” When you interview him or her, ask them if they’re familiar with PAS (Parental Alienation Syndrome). If you connect personally with them and they’ve treated brainwashed children, then you’re set.

   I can’t give you legal advise, but I can tell you to start documenting your child’s words and actions. I use a Flip Mino video camera and an audio recorder (brand eludes me). Then, when you have some convincing evidence, having your lawyer call a hearing in front of the judge in your case.
8. 

   Donna
   

   04. Aug, 2009

   Hello, I have two children that are 8 (my son) & a daughter that is 13 & I have been divorced since 2002 & I just want to say that my daughter has been brained washed so bad by her dad that she can hardly stand me anymore, she has wanted to live with the abuser since we divorced and I finally let her go when he was having her testify against me in court for reasons that mean NOTHING as far as me being a very good mother to them. My x has also mentally abused me since the divorce & does the brain washing on my son as well. I am in the middle of a court battle to hold onto my son & very emotionally upset over all of this. I had one visit with my daughter 4th of July weekend and there were times she acted very frightend and confused toward me like I was her enemey? I am working towards getting all of us counseling but he has convinced my daughter that she does not need it & she refuses to go. I feel so helpless & I want my daughter back because she is not in a healthy enviorment AT ALL. I am also recording our conversations over the phone because I will do anything I can to stop this man.
9. 

   Donna
   

   05. Aug, 2009

   I was very excited when I found this website because now I have others to relate to and information that could help my case but no one has replyed to my writing just yet?
10. 

    Tina
    

    18. Aug, 2009

    I have went through my children being brainwashed for 19 years. My oldest son is 19 and my youngest is 15. I divorced their father when they were 5 and 11 months old. My ex and his mother have made it a point to continually try to turn the kids against me. He was going to have them lie about me in court as well, but then decided to settle out of court knowing that he couldn’t prove anything. My oldest son even moved in with my ex mother in law upon graduating from high school. She of course was thrilled and allowed him to do what he wanted to do. Our relationship is better know, but he still doesn’t realize the pain that he put me through. What do you do to make them realize what their father has done?
11. 

    admin
    

    31. Aug, 2009

    Donna, I will be setting up a forum for parents to discuss these issues– it will be much more effective than communicating through blog replies like this! In your first post you never asked for help, so I thought you were just venting…
12. 

    admin
    

    31. Aug, 2009

    Tina, they will realize what their father has done when the compare it to the person they know — you. Is there a large gulf between what was said about you for so many years and what they experienced? I’m assuming so, so the best thing you can do now is say NOTHING about any brainwashing, and simply be you and let them see you exactly how you are. The best long term defense of your relationship with your kids is to do no brainwashing whatsoever and simply be there for them, have fun with them, and don’t talk about heavy subjects like brainwashing unless they’re acting strange around you. That’s when it’s time to ask them to open up and tell you what they’re feeling. I can emphasis this enough, but they’ll figure it out themselves when the derogatory words they heard about you don’t match up with the human experience they have around you. Kids aren’t dumb. Brainwashing is extremely damaging to children, but the older they get the more they figure out the truth on their own. So hang in there, do the right things (see your kids, spend fun and quality time with them, don’t badmouth one iota the other parent, etc) and don’t make it an issue of “What do I do to make them realize what their father has done?” as you described it…