Brainwashing children: The four levels of abuse

Posted on 08. Nov, 2009 by admin in Brainwashing, Exposing the methods

The Four Levels of Brainwashing Children

The Four Levels of Brainwashing Children

Brainwashing children to despise a parent falls into one of four categories of severity:

  1. Glancing insult
  2. Direct attack
  3. Relationship assault
  4. Relationship-ending coaching

Glancing insult
The glancing insult, also called a “drive-by put down,” is a derogatory remark said to the child about a parent. These are off-the-cuff remarks whose purpose is to instill doubt and negative opinions about the target parent.

Examples include:

“She’s picking you up at 6pm, if she’s even on time”
“So your father didn’t seem to care much about what you thought, huh…”
“You know I love you more than anyone else in the world does, don’t you?”

Direct attack
A direct attack is a slew of words plainly at plainly disparaging you, and thus your relationship to your child.

Examples:

“Your father is an inconsiderate jerk”
“If your mother wasn’t such a messed up soul, your time with her would be much more fun”
“Your mother is a terrible mother, that’s for sure. I can’t believe she did that—what a moron”

Relationship attack
When the source parent tries to harm the parent-child relationship by attacking visitations, minimizing telephone and email contact, and insinuating that time spent with the target parent is bad for the child.

Examples of what such parents will do:

Being “unavailable” all week to receive phone calls from the target parent to the child
Not returning any calls, texts, or emails made by the target parent
Telling the child, “You have complete family here with me and your Dad (step-father), yet he’s again ripping you away from us this Christmas”
Telling the child, “You only have 5 days left with her, then you’ll be back and safe with us.”
Withholding letter, postcards, and emails from the child

Relationship-ending coaching
The most deplorable thing a parent can do to their child is the final step, coaching the child on how to completely break off contact with their own parent.

Some of the things the source parent will teach the child include:

  1. That once the child is 18, he/she no longer has to be in contact with the target parent anymore, and is encouraged to do just that
  2. That once the child is 18, if a boy he can change his last name to something different like his step-father’s last name
  3. That once the child is 12, he/she can go in front of a Judge and state how awful the target parent is, and of the desire to move in with the source parent and not be with the targeted parent at all anymore

Wrap-up: Take the high road
You’ll sometimes feel overwhelmed at correcting the brainwashing being inflicted upon your child. A brainwashed child will act in truly heart-wrenching manners, and you’ll often not even recognize him or her anymore.

But hang in there. Read this blog, discuss with other loved ones your frustration, and read the book “Divorce Poison,” take your complaint in front of the Judge in your case, and you and your relationship will be rewarded one day for your refusal to take part in counter-attacking the other parent.

Be a loving parent, don’t discuss the other parent in a negative light—ever—and take the high ground. Lastly, find a good child therapist who does “play therapy” with children, and you’ll be doing the right things to slowly undo the damage done to your child’s mind.

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13 Responses to “Brainwashing children: The four levels of abuse”

  1. Barbara

    23. Nov, 2009

    Thank you, thank you for your excellent site! I’m deeply troubled by my ex’s brainwashing, and I’m learning a lot through your posts.

    Keep up the good work.

  2. M

    21. Jan, 2010

    Thank you for this pots! It’s so sad and way to common! I’m happy to be able to share this info with my readers!

  3. lisa

    26. Jan, 2010

    It is so nice to learn that your not alone. I threw my ex out following years of cheating. I am now happily married and he has a new partner. Why cant we move on?
    Our marriage didnt work however he seems to have such feelings of spite towards me that I dont understand. If he was cheating he clearly wasnt happy with me ? Why cause our child pain by being spiteful and manipulative?
    I want us all to get on for her sake but I feel this will never happen.
    I thought I was being soft by trying to ingore his actions and trying to rise above it , to others it appears you are being walked on, so your article has made me feel so much better!
    Thank you !

  4. amanda maddox

    27. Jun, 2010

    My daughers live with there father. He is a fast talker and I am starting to believe he is brainwashing my children. He will not let me have any visitation with them. He has custody of not only my children but 2 others. The oldest is now telling me what he says and does to the children. I have attny but I still feel like something more needs to be done. He has my daughter believing she was raped. What do I do? And who will believe me?

  5. Jamie Main

    06. Oct, 2010

    My kids were taken by their father in 2006. I haven’t seen them since that Christmas I still have presents I bought for them on that Christmas. Anyways, I just found them and was talking to them regularly, not visiting though. He refused to let me see them. ( I guess he’s afraid I will be like him and run off with them forever…) Now, he has disappeared again. He CONVENIENTLY disappeared on our sons birthday. I am sure it was to say to the kids how terrible I am. I know full well about brainwashing. He made the children lie to the courts, CPS, whoever would listen to how terrible I was/am…YES, we need to reform alot of things….{sigh}

  6. bertha galvan

    20. Oct, 2010

    Hi my name is Bertha I am 27 yrs old i got 4 babys i have my oldest 11 my second is 7 then i got a 3 yr old and a 1 yr old. 3 boys n 1 girl .In 2007 my babys got took couse my baby boy was born with deformalities. my cps caseworker blamed it on drugs she had my son tested for several months to find what coused the deformalities. well i knw drugs wasnt the reason but she wantd proof so tests came back it was genetic. well my babys are all big n healthy my oldest has been with his dad before cps ever got involved the one i had was my baby girl dazza me n her were insepretable i was all she knw as a parent well when cps came they took all babys n put them in foster care never gave my family a chance to get my babys put them in a home for about 2 mnths i have a big family they all steped up but got shot down by my case manager my mom was not able to get them becouse she bailed me out couse my casemanager had me arrested i had csection with my babys n i was in several pain could bearly walk well cops came took me for old warrents i had bail of 300 my mom posted it n amanda kavanaugh witch was my case worker told my mom for that she lost her privbliges to getting my babys she was very wrong n my babys suffers till this day for her decision on were shje placed her i knw im in fault frm start but that little girl only new me n her nana my mom would cry i mean it would kill me n my mom she would even hit herself couse she didnt want to go i have so much more to this story but wat in trying to get to is cps did us very wrong they ruin peoples life n they do wats best for child no my mom got denied to get my two babys for wat reason never had one couse lessthen a yr i had a bavby n my mom adopted him can u help me get to the bottom of this someone plz get back to me theres more n i knw we were done very unfairly thx

  7. Angie

    23. Oct, 2010

    I am a step parent of a child I haven’t seen since he was 6. His mother took him and vanished out of state sometime in 2004 and is now back 6 years later filing for more child support. From the beginning the maternal grandmother and child’s mother have repeatedly accused the father of grotesque sexual abuse of the boy. The child was put into therapy at age 4 and the LCSW claimed the child needed protection from his father and paternal family, that the child was severely abused by his father AND paternal grandparents. This LCSW was discredited by the Judge at the same hearing these allegations and her “research” was presented. NO abuse EVER happened, the father was investigated on several levels several times by multiple law enforcement agents and the only documented issue to come out of it was the mother was instructed by medical staff to get her 4 yr old out of diapers- the cause of the questionable rash on his butt and genitals. The boy was in diapers until he was 5, and the even the local head start school had to inform the mother they wouldn’t accept the child unless he was toilet trained. Hello… not potty trained by 5? Since returning to our side of the country they have put the child back into therapy, presumably with the same LCSW to “help him” deal with all these false allegations and horrible events they’ve poisoned him with all these years in solitude. I believe we will never have a healthy or normal relationship with the child, and the more we press to hold the mother in contempt of visitation order, enforce visitation and modify visitation, the more she will continue to destroy her own child with her ignorance, hatred and mental abuse. My husband has paid child support from the beginning, and has always fought “tooth & nail” to visit with his child. The ex has consistently been slapped on the wrist in court never being held accountable for her contempt of visitation orders despite 3 motions to enforce visitation and hold her in contempt. We finally obtained a lawyer for a new batch of hearing dates yet I still believe when all is done we will not have visitation with the child because he is so emotionally and psychologically damaged by his own mother and her family. The mother still states that the 14 yr old boy does not want to see his father. Recently in court, showing her true ignorance she stated to the Judge “I’ve told him that if the court says he’s got to go, he has to and there’s nothing I can do about it.” The Judge scolded her and said that is not the message you want to be giving the child. This poor kid has been subjected to this hateful and destructive brainwashing for almost his entire life.

  8. Diana Loweranitis

    06. Nov, 2010

    My ex did all of this and then some and it resulted in my daughter lying about me to her guidance counselor,CPS,and to the police in filing a false allegation of rape which resulted in CPS claiming I was guilty of parental neglect and lack of parental supervision even though CPS even admitted to me they knew my daughter was not raped.I have not seen my daughter for 2 years,have not had any phone contact with her since January of this year and my ex even got the people she is with now to file a false criminal harassment report against me that made it necessary for me to go in front of the district attorney and prove my innocence which I had pages of proof to prove the allegations were false.There will never be a possibility of me and my child reuniting because of all of this,it caused me health related problems and emotional damage and quite frankly my daughter has been too damaged because of the courts failure to stop my ex from engaging in this when I begged them to intervene.

  9. newsong

    29. Nov, 2010

    I was in an emotionally and physically abusive marriage and when I left him I thought he would not be this mean to his own kids. I was wrong. He victimized them physically, but I got that stopped. I did not know how to stop the brainwashing. Not saying anything (like the courts say to do) just does not work. The kids end up horrifically confused. This man is a narcisist and his need to revenge himself at the cost of the kids was decisive and coercive. He has made my kids pay for me leaving him. My son is 31 now and has been depressed for many years. My son believes I am the abuser because that is what his dad has told him. My daughter was not the focus, but he used her too. I feel I am suffering from PTSD because of all this constant attack on my personality. In hindsight I would have asked the kids how it made them feel when dad said such and such. If they talked about confusion, fear or anger I would have asked them if that was a good thing for their dad to say about their mom. Unfortunately, he was absolutely relentless in his attack on me via the kids. I am praying for my son and for God’s help to reveal the truth.

  10. admin

    21. Dec, 2010

    Hello everyone, this is John, the owner of this blog.

    Thanks for sharing your heartfelt personal stories of lies and emotional abuse.

    Please visit the newly opened FORUMS here at BWC, it’s a much better way to discuss these issues. Here’s a direct link:

    http://www.brainwashingchildren.com/forums. See you over there!

  11. n

    11. Feb, 2011

    I was a single parent for 4 years when husband was in prison. I filed for divorce and my son aged 12 was completely turned against me. This is for gaining share in property as in UK law. still dont know what will happen next waiting for physchiatrist report.
    I wonder even if that is in my favour what the court will do about it. son is going to be 13 and says if the court orders him to stay with me he will take bus and go to dads who is 5 minutes drive away.

  12. heather

    03. Feb, 2012

    I have found your site extremely informative and i hope it helps my boyfriend know that he is not alone in this. i feel so bad for him. he is an awesome dad and is battling with this issue. I have never seen or heard of a woman so controlling and evil in my personal life. my sons dad was never involved in his life and i so badly wish he would have been. its so sad to see a perfect man that so deeply loves his children and so badly wants to be the great father that he is have to go thru this pain and agony caused by a greedy psychotic disgruntled ex wife. I can not imagine how deeply miserable this woman is. the work she puts into destroying a good mans life is ridiculous! im sorry to those out there that are in the same boat as my boyfriend. and we have come to understand why so many men just walk away. i think the term “dead beat dad” is used to loosly and fact is the majority should probably be labeled “beat down dad” instead. hang in there all of you that struggle in a situation like this. stay strong and remember..its NOT the childs fault! good luck! :)

  13. admin

    06. Feb, 2012

    Amen, we all have to stay strong while facing these unhappy– and in many cases evil– people. They have no qualms about destroying an innocent child’s own parent! I like your term, “Beat Down Dad.” Thanks for your feedback… -John

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