Brainwashing grandmothers
Posted on 16. Apr, 2010 by admin in Brainwashing, Combating, Exposing the methods
A parent bent on destroying their own child’s relationship with the ex often have a family member quite willing to take part in the brainwashing…
The grandmother.
Over the years I’ve heard my son’s grandmother enough times to see first-hand how she’s hurting my son’s relationship with me. And I realize that what I’m hearing is only the tip of the iceberg, sadly.
Just a few weeks ago, during a long vacation, grandma tells my son halfway through (paraphrasing),
“You’re on the downhill slide!“
Translation: The sadness of having to spend time with the other, “lesser” parent- your father- is getting close to ending! Then you’ll be back with us and away from the monster…
Another thing she said that showed how selfish she was during one summer saying to him on the telephone how many hours until she sees him again (I can’t remember the exact number, but it was in the hundreds). And for about 5 minutes prior to that, she asked him nothing about what he was doing (we were out of the state on a trip to the lake). She went on about all the things he was missing back home! Learning absolutely nothing about her grandson’s exciting trip to a large lake…
In many families, the grandmother is the dominant figure in the entire family tree. Which is perfectly fine. But when the grandmother uses her power to aid (or in my situation, lead) the effort to sabotage her grandson or granddaughter’s relationship with his or her own parent, it’s downright despicable.
[Now, this is not to say that grandfathers don't brainwash children. They can and do. But the reality is that in the vast majority of cases, it's the grandmother who's highly emotionally vested in the grandchildren, and as such if they feel aggrieved by a child's ex-wife or ex-husband, many will go to many lengths to harm that person.]
In the process, of course, hurting not just that ex but a child or children as well.
So, how do you combat a grandmother’s actions that are harming your relationship to you son or daughter?
First, start documenting all comments, texts, voice mail messages, and actions. I use Google Docs for all my notes on the evidence of my son’s brainwashing. Then, once you have this evidence hire a lawyer and see about calling a hearing about this abuse. Now, don’t get your hopes up about the judge taking assertive action. Most family law judges are clueless about PAS*. In my case, the judge to this day has done absolutely nothing to warn the mother despite audio and video evidence, and my testimony on the stand. But you still need to make this effort– wouldn’t you like to know your father or mother held a court hearing over the mental brainwashing that was occurring while you were a child? Show some initiative that sadly too many parents lack.
Secondly, place your child into therapy with a child therapist well versed in *Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS). This will help your child immensely in the recovery efforts. Having a neutral third party talking to the child about you can do a lot of good.
Third, and I’ll write about this soon as a separate topic, enlist the help of a person who your son or daughter really likes or loves. With some well-timed words talking about you (the targeted parent), and sharing their feelings about you, your child will now have in front of them a huge disconnect: between what they’ve been hearing about you by the brainwashing parent and grandparent for years, and what they’re hearing now from this trusted, liked person.
Last, I highly recommend the book Divorce Poison by Dr. Richard Warshak (order here). He just came out with an updated edition, and it’s terrific. It’s essentially the Bible on Brainwashing.
Don’t just think that brainwashing of children is done by parents. It’s done by grandparents too– and this double-barreled assault on the child and his or her relationship to you can be brutally effective in destroying the child’s opinions, attitudes, and feelings…
10 Responses to “Brainwashing grandmothers”
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Joyce Lincoln
03. May, 2010
I believe my grandchild is being brainwashed against me and her father (my son). Phone calls to her are not being returned. We both remain passive, I as not to cause any emotional unrest to my grandchild. What are my rights?
Lost
19. Sep, 2010
Great article…….wish people would understand that this really happens with grandparents. My mother is constantly telling my children things about me and asking leading questions that make them ponder things they shouldn’t worry about. ie asking if I’m dating so and so or and I just “entertaining” him??? nice question to ask a teen boy about his mom isn’t it…what a word to use….!!
I’m a single mom of two and doing my very best…which has never been enough for my mom….which has lead me to serious self-esteem and confidence issues….l second guess everything I do to ensure that it won’t cause a mom ripple effect.
Whenever she dislikes my behavior or choices she automatically verbally attacks me in front of the kids….saying I don’t care about them….which couldn’t be farther from the truth. I hate to keep them away from her but I also do not want them exposed to the mental instability of my mother or the co-dependant attitudes of my father and their struggle with issues of control.
Very sad….and very hurt…trying to prevent both for my children. As a result of growing up under this control-obsessed duo I haven’t had a “normal” relationship and doubt I ever will….I DO NOT want this to happen to them…what more can I do???
Cheryl
21. Oct, 2010
My mother (77 yrs) (grandma) lives in a house that my sister and I own (dad died 10 yrs ago) My son moved in with her a couple of years ago to help her. She is now verbally and physically abusing him. I know she did it to me years ago. I got pregnant to get away (stupid on my part). He will not talk to me only when he wants something and grandma uses him and his friends for their $ to buy groceries and just to go places. Grandma stopped talking to me 1 yr ago and I do not know what to do. My son is brainwashed by her. HELP!! We pay for the house (we own) and we pay for utilities (in our name) What can we do. My blood pressure is off the wall and I am medication.
shawnetta
08. Dec, 2010
my daughter is brainwashed from my inlaw who feels entitled to take on the parental role an now my daughter is fear or not making any contact with me and feel the grandmother has grandparental ailenation syndrome and Borderline personality disorder. I feel she has taught my daughter to hate or fear me and I am active in her life, I feel punished for getting a degree and losing out on being a parent?
admin
21. Dec, 2010
Hello everyone, this is John, the owner of this blog.
Thanks for sharing your heartfelt personal stories of lies and emotional abuse.
Please visit the newly opened FORUMS here at BWC, it’s a much better way to discuss these issues. Here’s a direct link:
http://www.brainwashingchildren.com/forums. See you over there!
Steve
06. Feb, 2011
At the my son’s age of 12 my mother took me to court over child abuse which I was only try to discipline my child. My child has been Brainwashed for many years. Needless to say the child was taken from me and put in her care which was an awful living situation. He went from living in a clean townhome with his step mom and I into a travel trailor.She allowed him to start smoking marijuanna,smoking cigarettes,quit school and watch his Uncle who lived in the home with them even smoke crack .My son is 25 now and blames me for not being there because I had to just move and start a new life.It goes on and on. I tried numerous times in court to get him to come back and he denied me each time. Even one time my mother brought him to my home thinking he was going to stay with us so my girlfriend at the time bought him all new clothes etc. About 2 weeks later she came to get him and brought the police to get all of his personal things and on the way out in front of the officer my mother sticks her middle finger up at me and it was very embarassing.It has just been such a hurtful situation and just don’t know what I should do.My son recently tried to move where nect door to me with his new wife and his step child and his child with her and his wife has talked behind our back with him the whole time rehashing the past with her I guess. My son is displaying alot of problems such as anger (punching holes in walls)lying,stealing little things from stores,talking to me like a dog on text messages,Just don’t know if you think I should finally give up even though it is hard bc he will always be my son but my mother has turned him so against me and continues to instigate trouble. I feel this a loosing battle..
Lynne
20. Feb, 2011
I know for a fact my two grandchildren are being brain washed against me and their father (my son) by their custodial grandmother. She and their grandfather have temporary custody of my grandsons since both Mom and Dad are doing time in prison for drug charges. She is telling them their Mom is in prison because their Dad got her in trouble. Wrong, she is in prison because she was doing Cocaine and would do anything to get it including dealing drugs with her children in the car with her. She has no concern for them or their safety. She ignored their needs for her own selfish wants and needs. I have come over to see my grandsons and found the baby left in the car on a hot summer day and the door to the house closed with her and the other grandson inside. I really think she was trying to kill him.Their Dad was in jail most of the time she was doing these things. Her own mother has told my sister and my niece that my grandchildrens mom (her daughter) has been on cocaine since she was thirteen, but to everyone in her family she makes out like her daughter is a good mother even though she knows the truth. She tries to portray her as a good person and a good mother but she is neither. The custodial grandmother is in denial about her daughter and the circumstances surrounding her. I know this is all having emotional and maybe even physical effects on my grandsons and I worry every day about their living conditions. I get my grandsons every Friday when I get off work and keep them until Sunday evening, when I am allowed to. This weekend she didn’t let the older one come because she said he was doing bad in school and she was punishing him by not letting him come over to my home for the weekend. She is not only punishing him, she is punishing me by not letting me see him, this is not the first time this has happened. She is mad that she has been put in this situation ( having to raise her grandsons because both parents are in prison). She doesn’t work, she has nothing else to do. She certainly doesn’t clean her house, ever. I on the other hand am by myself and I do have to work everyday. I wish there was something I could do for my grandchildren before they are damaged permanently by her brainwashing. Just this weekend my youngest grandson said everybody wishes their dad was dead. That is something he has overheard. My grandchildren are too young to be overhearing such things as that. She is causing great distress in their lives and I believe that is why my oldest grandson is doing bad in school. Also when I have my grandsons on the weekends I put underwear on my youngest grandson, trying to get him potty trained, but every time I pick him up he is in pull ups. The custodial grandmother told me herself when he comes home in underwear and has a BM she just throws them away because she says shes not going to clean them and wash them. He is four years old and he will never be potty trained because it is too much trouble for her. I bathe my grandsons every weekend because when they come to my home they stink. I asked my grandson when did he last have a bath and he told me he took a bath at the motel last weekend when they went to visit their mother in prison. And that is another thing, she lies about eveything, she told me they were going to Georgia for the weekend to BMX bike race but then I found out they went to Illinois to visit their mom in prison. There is no reason to make up a lie to tell me, I could care less if they take them to see their mom, if possible I take them to see their dad whenever I can. But it is not necessary to make up lies to tell me, she is just teaching my grandsons to lie. This woman is very troubled, it runs in her family. Please help me Tell me what can I do to save my grandsons. I have very little money and just live check to check.
cheyenne
25. Oct, 2011
my fiancee’s mother is trying to brain wash andtake my son ! he is only 8 months old, but she does and says little things to make him act different around us when he comes home from seeing her. i have noidea what she does, but he is always different when he comesback home. it’s very stressful. now she is calling cps and saying me medically neglect him and feed him when it’s convenient for us ! i don’t understand how that is even possible to not feed my child ! and medically neglecting him ! i gave the case worker every doctors visit ( A LOT) and every prescription he’s ever gotten filled at cvs, and it all matched up. the case was just recently closed. but i fear she is not done with this yet. i want to keep her away from him, but i don’t want her to get mad and do this again. the case worker described her as a savvy woman who would not stop and will continue to fight and use everything against us she can to get him. any thing i can do ? i live in georgia and they have no rights here, but i know she can keep calling cps as much as she wants and make our life misserable and make us look bad. e-mail me please a7xchick0323@yahoo.com
mammaj
17. Dec, 2011
My daughter and son-inlaw, who is very controlling, have brainwashed our three grandchildren. Its so sad for the children. May God bring it to light. It seems mental illness regiens in many homes.:(
Christie
19. Jan, 2012
My mother first talked me into leaving my unhappy marriage, then said she would watch my son while I worked. I won’t lie, i let her watch him sometimes when I wasn’t working and wanted to go out with friends. What happened later, I will never get over. Please run from these people if you still legally can!!!!! I warn you! My mother took me to court for custody of my son! At first, I thought it was a joke that she could get anything, because Colorado has no good grandparent’s rights! WRONG! After one year of horrible courtroom drama, I mean lots of terrible lies and dirty laundry from my whole life, she got some rights. This had nothing to do with her being his grandma! She could have been a babysitter! In Colorado, they have a law called, parental care. It means if you help feed, clothe, and care for a child for a lot of 6 months you can have equal rights to ask for custody, like another parent! It’s called emotional parent! It only took her $42,000 and time. With her having him every-other-weekend, it amounted to starting the brainwashing over and he hated me for 3 years, now he still doesn’t feel comfortable telling me he loves me, and can’t show anything for me in her presence! It is worse than death to me at times! I have friended her again, only to keep the peace for my son, but when he is old enough, i plan to cut all ties! I cannot move away from Colorado with my own son, that is how tough this is! I have to make sure she has weekly access to see him! If you want to hear the worst thing, she let him suckle her breast when he was 3 1/2! This was founded by social services and a child interviewer! They finally got afraid of her and decided to say it was just a bonding game. I have forever lost precious years with my son, and can never love my mother again. Please do not let this happen to you!