Brainwashing Children

9 Responses to “Narcissistic mother, narcissistic father – here are their traits”

1. 

   Eliza
   

   12. Jan, 2012

   These posts are touching on issues that are everyday realities for me and my partner with his narcissistic ex.

   He and his ex have been divorced for over a year, separated for almost two, though they lived together for 6 months following their decision to separate while she sought a new residence. His ex initiated the separation and then took her time to find a new home. This was very uncomfortable for everyone, most of al their 12-year-old daughter, having two separated parents under one roof sleeping in separate bedrooms. Looking back, my partner acknowledges that this should have been his first indication of the narcissistic behavior that was to come.

   His ex continues to put pressure on their daughter in ways that he has no control over. Since he and I have started dating, his ex’s behaviour has become worse. She now badmouths me and makes inappropriate comments about my partner and myself on social media sites within full view of their daughter. Many friends of his who also know his ex have brought the inappropriateness of her behaviour to her attention but her reaction is to blow them off as if they are over reacting or to simply “defriend” them. She has also pressured their daughter to not communicate with me on social media sites and – being a good kid – their daughter has obeyed her mother. My partner asked his daughter about this and she cited feelings of fear of being punished for not adhering to her mother’s wishes on the subject.

   This is just two of the many cases of inappropriate behaviours that his ex exhibits: Constantly texting their daughter (saying she worried) to the point that their daughter feels very guilty when she forgets to text her mother when she arrives ANYWHERE; starting conversations with their daughter about things discussed with her father and openly disagreeing; she has even “helped her daughter carry things” into my partner’s home (uninvited) and then commented negatively on social media sites about seeing my underwear hanging in the laundry room….totally inappropriate and frankly silly considering it is a laundry room and she should not have been there in the first place.

   All of these things are hurtful for my partner and give his daughter the sense that his actions and opinions are wrong. We have also started to see behaviors consistent with narcissism in his daughter in that she is not willing to listen to others’ opinions and constantly forces her opinions on on us in a complaining manner. The adage “if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all” has become a contant in his household.

   When his daughter is with us we are not negative about her mother and try to make my partner’s home a place where his daughter can communicate openly. We are now at the point that we don’t know what to do next. Help!
2. 

   need advice
   

   18. Jan, 2012

   need advice……step daughter (whom I raised) ran off, got married (to a jerk) got pregnant, let them both live with me then he left her 2 months after baby born….me and my family (me, my mother & sisters) raised Chloe (baby), step daughter never had to buy anything (formula, diapers, pay for dr appts,…..) then she got her own apt, 2 weeks later she had a “jerK’ move in with her….long story short…….he has “brain washed” not only my daughter but my granddaughter….she is now about to be 11 yrs old…he got her a cell phone for xmas….she was “allowed” to spend the weekend with me but he texted & called her (up til 2:30 am) and it was to the point that i could not even get 10 words out of my mouth and he was texting again. I finally had enough & said something to her and she replied but he LOVES me….explained to her that I was not questioning that but that I had wanted me and her to have a “girls” weekend then afterwards (at 1:00 am) after she got another text, she claimed she had to take a shower….so I called my sister crying about what was going on and realized I didn’t hear the shower running….found her in my closet with the door shut talking to the “step dad”………….then I broke down telling her I didn’t understand why she felt she had to lie to me. then he shows up at 9:00 am to get her (without my step daughter) & I had the slide lock engaged on the front door which he BENT & just about had the door pushed open which not only scared me but my granddaughter was terrified….he came in and screamed at her & she ran out and didn’t tell me goodbye or even hug me (which has never happened) haven’t heard from her or my step daughter. my husband is out of town so I really feel like if he were here this would not have happened…..something just isn’t right with this…..also when I picked up my grandaughter HE informed me that she is suppose to tell him when she gets her period…. REALLY??? WTF??? I am sick over this….need advice…………
3. 

   John
   

   20. Jan, 2012

   John I have recently joined the family and love my wife dearly and i understand what you are going thru – there is no love there.
4. 

   admin
   

   22. Jan, 2012

   Thanks, John. It’s such unnecessary contempt…
5. 

   RR
   

   29. Jan, 2012

   I too am living somewhat of the exact situation as Eliza and would appreciate some advice. Thanks
6. 

   barbara
   

   03. Feb, 2012

   My son and his wife have been separated three years, they have one sone now 6; the mother is engaged to another but still married, she is an entertainer. She has told their son that I am evil and everyone loves her and that if they don’t love her they can’t love her son. I wasn’t allowed to speak to my grandson for 12 weeks because she told lies about something I did, I live thousands of miles away and work 14 hour days; I don’t get involved. Last night my grandson was at the babysitter and he wanted to speak to me and told me that I had to talk to his mother, love her hang out with her then all would be ok , that he liked my hugs and when I visit but I was evil and tricking him and that if I did anything wrong his mother and boyfriend planned to put me underground. I had a good relationship with my grandson and when I said I loved him, he said I was evil and if I didn’t love his mommy I didn’t love him, I said I loved his father but he said that wasn’t true and mommy told daddy that he had to get rid of me.
   I’m staying away and not pushing anything, one I think they need to get a divorce. she writes things in facebook that everyone loves her her finance and including her ex and his brother, isn’t she a lucky gal to be so loved. He is six years old, he should not be brainwashed like this, my son should deal with it, so I’m staying out of it but fear for my grandson who now hates school because he can’t wear pretty clothes he has to be like the others, his mother put a shirt on for class pictures instead of uniform and they took it off and he wore a t-shirt and couldn’t be in the group picture, he has missed 18 days 10 tardies in 1st grade, she pulls him out of school and now told him he will travel the world with her. I’m afraid for him.
7. 

   Looking for Advice
   

   03. Feb, 2012

   Okay I’ve divorced for a year already, but the damage actually began occurring 16 yrs ago. What started out as a friend helping me with my eldest son because the father wasnt pulling his weight…..turned into a relationship that by all rights never should have been because while we were friends I could tell something just wasnt right about his family. We would be out for the day & would stop by the house for a few moments & his mom would come walking in acting all kissy kissy with her kids…..tryin so hard to make it seem as though her family was more like the Brady Bunch. Much of the time I felt like I was in some bad Twilight Zone show…..I was always looking for cameras lol. Being the open-minded person that I am I gave them the benefit of the doubt. Well during our relationship I began to have flashbacks of my childhood & of course my mom wasnt exactly the greatest mom in the world herself, but she was always a good provider. During her times as a single mom, I had been molested & abused on many different accounts & my family tried desperately to intervene, but my grandparents (whom tried to take custody of me) were told they were too old so the abuse continued with my family members sitting helpless on the side lines not sure how to help. Anyway, the flashbacks that seem to occur always came out of nowhere…..usually when i was in the middle of taking care of my oldest son so my ex being the nice guy would come in and take over so I could get away to clear my mind. Well eventually as time went on the flashbacks got better & I became a bit more able to handle things, but living in the same state as my family I was placed in constant chaos between my family and his. If my mom wasnt degrading me then his mom was asking questions such as “If you had to chose between your girlfriend or me, who would you chose?” What mother honestly does that to her own kid??? We were consenting adults just tryin to get ourselves together so we can actually make a life. Well eventually the situation became worse. His parents divorced in 1997. It came out of the blue, but I suspected his dad had been having an affair. I brought it up to his mom & she became irate. I’m not actually surprised by it since she always tried so desperately to make it look like she had an awesome family & was so loved by her kids as well as spouse. Anyway through the divorce most of the truth began to surface, but having come from a divorced family myself I knew the ones who usually paid were the children & even though these kids at this point were all adults even they paid heavily with that divorce. During all of this I was hearing different things from his mom such as one moment it was that she felt badly about the way my mom treated me, but then it was my fault her son & ex husband got into a fight or it was my fault that her son had a heartattack…..eventually this all lead into comments such as I would never make a good mother because I had been abused…..I shouldnt be tryin to make anything out of myself because I have kids and they need me home. “My son should be the one promoted not you. You dont need to be spending so much time at work.” It got to the point after hearing this so often and not having anyone to talk to that I began to believe alot of it & I fell into a very deep depression. My oldest and middle son wound up going to Foster care & then the kids were split up one lives with my mom and the other lives with his mom. And since our split up he moved back to FL to live with his mom, filed for divorce when my youngest son was suppose to be coming to spend the summer with me in Savannah & I havent seen my son now since 2009 when they headed back to FL. Yes I am leaving alot of info out because my situation is very long & frustrating. Most of it is very negative and I sometimes wish I had really acknowledged the red flags cause there were too many to count, but much of the time I was in a lose/lose situation & had noone to turn too so I couldnt find a way out, but my current problem is this. Even though my divorce papers state that I am suppose to have 51 days a year with my youngest son. I have not seen him in 2 yrs. I have done all I can do in the situation, but everytime I make arrangement to get my children…..they come up with some excuse as to why the children cannot go. I do not have the money for an attorney due to the economy being so rough & the fact that I havent worked in 5 yrs. I’m at the end of my rope. Now my middle child has told me on several occasions that his dad is mean to him and that the family yells at him. He called me one day with a horrific story of child abuse claiming his father punched him & that his grandma did nothing about it & since I will not live in FL anymore due to all the chaos & my fear that they will try something….I contacted DCF to file a report. When the case worker went to investigate my son claimed that I had misunderstood him and he never said that……but yet he had his baby brother tell me it happened & my youngest knows better than to lie to me & he also had his Aunt who is mentally challenged tell me it happened & of course I believed him because I thought I could. According to all accounts he is doing well in school, but since he has begun doing Tae Kwon Do and entered Junior High he seems to have become more aggresive….making threats to his older brother to beat his ass & hanging out with kids that seem to have home issues themselves. I just dont know what to do & to top it all off I get a call from the same case worker that informed me about all the meds my ex is taking. He suffered a stroke this past summer & has lost the ability to walk so he’s been in therapy plus they cant get his blood pressure meds adjusted correctly so his blood pressure is always either too high or too low. The concern the case worker had was not for my 12 year old, but for my 8 year old whom my ex husband filed for custody of behind my back & apparently she claimed that all the meds he is on made her question whether he can care for the child, but nothing has been done about it. My ex admits that the meds make him sleep all the time & there is no actually adult in the house…..the great-grandmother is 84 and on a walker as well as the sister is mentally challenged so I just dont know what more to do. I am suppose to be gettin the boys for Spring Break, but I doubt that one is gonna happen because they want me to fork out all this money to pick them up and bring them back which I cannot due. As it is my fiancee and I are using our rent and utility money to pay just to go get them. My eldest one will be coming up as well, but his arrangements have already been taken care of. My parents will be picking him up at the end of the week. I have asked them if they would be willing to take the other 2 back & they refuse to be involved because as it is they are never permitted to see their own grandchildren. So honestly I’m stuck!!!! If anyone has any advice it would be greatly appreciated……I can use all the help I can get…..Thanks
8. 

   admin
   

   06. Feb, 2012

   Looking for Advice, please post your question in our forums > http://www.brainwashingchildren.com/forums/forumdisplay.php?2-Is-your-child-being-brainwashed, and I will reply to you there. I’m sorry to hear what you’re going through… – John
9. 

   admin
   

   06. Feb, 2012

   Hey RR, please post your question over in our forums, http://www.brainwashingchildren.com/forums/forumdisplay.php?2-Is-your-child-being-brainwashed, and I’ll reply to you there. Comments here are for comments only, full conversations on issues my readers are dealing with take place on the forums. See you there…