Archive | December, 2013

It’s all about their heart. Nothing else matters

Subjecting a child to negative statements about their own parent violates the most basic job we have as parents: to protect their heart

When I think back on all the negative things (whether truthful or a lie) our son heard about me, what did they all have in common?

They hurt his heart.

This blog wouldn’t exist if parents out there were able to do this fundamental job of theirs. Their inability and/or refusal to protect their child from completely inappropriate hate, negativity, contempt, and denigration is a true tragedy– and millions of children suffer as a result.

You just discovered something about your ex? Ask one question: Will this information hurt or help their heart?

As no other question matters.

 

“MY son/daughter” vs. “OUR son/daughter”

One of the trademark expressions of an alienating parent is the use of the terms “my son,” “my daughter,” or “my kids.”

It’s as though the other half of the child is discarded, leaving only one parent (when in the context of mentioning the other parent, of course. On its own, “my son,” for example, is appropriate). And in an alienator’s mind, that’s exactly the case. They are the “good” parent, and the other is the “bad” or unworthy parent. They would never admit to co-parenting with their ex.

You will never, ever hear an alienator– on any level– use the term “our son/daughter/kid.” As to utter those words implies an importance and biological connection to the ex.

As the non-alienating parent, you should always use the correct term of “OUR son,” “OUR daughter,” or “OUR son” when speaking in reference to the ex.