If you dig down to the very core of why some parents and households are abusive towards children and others are not, look at how happy or unhappy they are.
A happy parent is one who nurtures his or her children physically and emotionally. Happy people don’t molest, pass hurt feelings on to, deprive the other parent’s love from, or otherwise hurt their kids. Happy people who go through divorces or break-ups hurt just like anyone else, but they elevate their behaviors to protect their children from the adult pain.
“All abusive parents are unhappy parents, and unhappy parents are feelings-based people who act out on these feelings without regard to whether what they’re saying or doing is right or wrong for their child” – www.brainwashingchildren.com
Look at your own situation of mental abuse or even milder alienation efforts. How happy is the person who’s damaging your child? Are they an overall happy person?
Whenever I think of the environment that my child is in, I think of his home with a big giant neon sign above it flashing, “UNHAPPY – 24 hrs/day.” The nearly decade-long campaign of harming my son’s relationship with me has been so pervasive, how could such behavior come from a normal, happy parent? It can’t.
The unfortunate part is the long-term outlook. Since it’s impossible for you to change the unhappy person’s core, what are the odds of the damage being done to the children who are in their midst stopping? Quite low. The only real way to help the children that live with these negative, unhappy, parents is to have them spend more and more time with the positive, happy parent. It can be a complete change of custody in severe alienation and emotional abuse cases, to granting the “happy” parent a lot of meaningful time in the decree.
This is pretty vacuous thinking. “happy” people don’t damage their children? It’s a false statement.
Additionally, are there other kinds of people in the world besides “happy” and “unhappy?” Are there perhaps other factors which have an effect on children? Could a depressed but self aware person perhaps raise healthier children than a joyfully cruel, and unreflective narcissist? You bet.
My husband left home and married me 35 years ago and his father used to and still abuses him badly. We own and operate a business which of whom his father put in my husbands name. My father-in-law makes my husband feel on a daily bases that he owes him his life for putting the business in his name. My husband did not ask his father to put the business in his name . i feel the man did so to make my husband feel obligated to him for the rest of his life. Things have gotten so bad that I am considering divorce. Help!
Here is a video of my experience with a high-conflict personality spouse. She did everything she could to alienate our children from me during and after our divorce. I hope others in a similar situation will benefit from my story.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pRPPlAq-kF8
Dave
Dave, I attempted to watch your video but it is marked as “private.” As for your ex doing everything to alienate your children from you, I am sorry. I am going through the same thing and my child talks about killing himself, killing his dad, stepmother and step-siblings. It seems as though the abuse has rolled downhill to the step-siblings and they see the abuse bestowed upon them by the new man in the house so they take their anger out on a 9 year old child. They do this because they are young and can’t beat their abuser up.
I am disgusted that my ex and wife have waged a campaign against me for 4 years and it has taken a heavy toll on our child. The courts truly favor the parent with the money because it keeps A LOT of people employed. The Judge, Attorneys, GALs, etc. The court and the community can make almost a half a million dollars on 1 child alone as long as they keep the wheels of justice turning.
Parents need to understand that the courts are a business just like any other business. They are there to make money and they have NO problem using your child as a meal ticket. So when my child talks openly, in great detail about murder, suicide and how to get home to mommy after the crime has been committed, it gives me confirmation that the court system has failed and that dad is truly evil for doing this to 3 children.