What is Münchausen

Münchausen by Proxy (origin of this name) is a severe form of deliberate child abuse, usually by mothers (over 90% are women according to one study), whereby the mother deliberately attempts to get her own child sick via falsified physical, physiological, and/or mental symptoms. This is done through exaggeration of symptoms, actual inducement of symptoms, or an outright lie about symptoms.

Why mothers will do this:

1. To gain attention of the doctors and nurses
2. Attempt to bring the mother closer to the child’s father
3. They are depressed and insecure
4. Absentee mother or father in their own childhood
5. Desire to control their child
6. Show their indispensability to the child’s welfare
7. Restore family cohesiveness
8. Limit or prevent the child from being with the father through onerous doctor visits

Why it’s such such a deadly syndrome:

1. 9% of the children die
2. extremely difficult to diagnose
3. mothers rarely will admit to it and attend psychotherapy
4. the abusive parent often seems caring, and is often in the medical profession herself

Children with MBPS:

1. lots of illnesses in a short period of time
2. frequent visits to doctors, hospitals, and health clinics
3. illnesses cease to exist when child is away from the mother
4. child doesn’t respond to treatment
5. often assists the mother with deceiving the doctors

Mothers with MBPS:

1. Often have the same symptoms as their own child
2. Were abused themselves as children
3. Often a bad relationship with the father of the child
4. Often don’t know how the illness occurred
5. Excellent manipulators; convincing
6. Are “helicopter moms;” very controlling
7. Enjoy the attention they receive from caring for their “injured” child
8. Often are in the medical field themselves
9. Are attention seekers

Notes:

1. common for child to exhibit genuine symptoms
2. exaggeration of symptoms
3. often mothers are in the health care field themselves
4. mother has personality disorders in all cases
5. mother lashes out at any questioning of her motives or actions
6. mother is usually the custodial parent and has the time to inflict the harm to the child
7. constant office or hospital visits
8. most mothers know what they’re doing, and hide their acts aggressively
9. mother often is not happy when good news appears
10. rare
11. one of the most severe forms of child abuse

Why it’s so hard to stop the harm to the child

1. Difficult to diagnose or prove
2. Takes many varied forms
3. Courts and lawyers know little to nothing about the disorder
4. Child Protective Services (CPS) knows little to nothing about the disorder

The most important task is to protect children immediately from mothers with Munchausen by Proxy Syndrome. And that has to take place through the courts or Child Protective Services (CPS). Unfortunately, their task is made difficult by the difficulty to prove it, and even if it seems provable with lots of evidence, getting judges and child advocates to understand it.

Sadly, in the meantime the child suffers, and often dies.

Bottom line: the child needs to be removed from the abuse, which means the child must be removed from the abuser– which in most cases is the mother.

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[Final comment]

Difference between Munchausen and Munchausen by Proxy:

-Munchausen is faking your own illness
-Munchausen by Proxy is faking illness in your own children

Tragically, an ex consumed by revenge will gladly sabotage their child’s loving feelings with the inducement of false hatred.” – www.brainwashingchildren.com

A parent bent on destroying their own child’s relationship with the ex often have a family member quite willing to take part in the brainwashing…

The grandmother.

Over the years I’ve heard my son’s grandmother enough times to see first-hand how she’s hurting my son’s relationship with me. And I realize that what I’m hearing is only the tip of the iceberg, sadly.

Just a few weeks ago, during a long vacation, grandma tells my son halfway through (paraphrasing),

“You’re on the downhill slide!“

Translation: The sadness of having to spend time with the other, “lesser” parent- your father- is getting close to ending! Then you’ll be back with us and away from the monster…

Another thing she said that showed how selfish she was during one summer saying to him on the telephone how many hours until she sees him again (I can’t remember the exact number, but it was in the hundreds). And for about 5 minutes prior to that, she asked him nothing about what he was doing (we were out of the state on a trip to the lake). She went on about all the things he was missing back home! Learning absolutely nothing about her grandson’s exciting trip to a large lake…

In many families, the grandmother is the dominant figure in the entire family tree. Which is perfectly fine. But when the grandmother uses her power to aid (or in my situation, lead) the effort to sabotage her grandson or granddaughter’s relationship with his or her own parent, it’s downright despicable.

[Now, this is not to say that grandfathers don't brainwash children. They can and do. But the reality is that in the vast majority of cases, it's the grandmother who's highly emotionally vested in the grandchildren, and as such if they feel aggrieved by a child's ex-wife or ex-husband, many will go to many lengths to harm that person.]

In the process, of course, hurting not just that ex but a child or children as well.

So, how do you combat a grandmother’s actions that are harming your relationship to you son or daughter?

First, start documenting all comments, texts, voice mail messages, and actions. I use Google Docs for all my notes on the evidence of my son’s brainwashing. Then, once you have this evidence hire a lawyer and see about calling a hearing about this abuse. Now, don’t get your hopes up about the judge taking assertive action. Most family law judges are clueless about PAS*. In my case, the judge to this day has done absolutely nothing to warn the mother despite audio and video evidence, and my testimony on the stand. But you still need to make this effort– wouldn’t you like to know your father or mother held a court hearing over the mental brainwashing that was occurring while you were a child? Show some initiative that sadly too many parents lack.

Secondly, place your child into therapy with a child therapist well versed in *Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS).  This will help your child immensely in the recovery efforts. Having a neutral third party talking to the child about you can do a lot of good.

Third, and I’ll write about this soon as a separate topic, enlist the help of a person who your son or daughter really likes or loves. With some well-timed words talking about you (the targeted parent), and sharing their feelings about you, your child will now have in front of them a huge disconnect: between what they’ve been hearing about you by the brainwashing parent and grandparent for years, and what they’re hearing now from this trusted, liked person.

Last, I highly recommend the book Divorce Poison by Dr. Richard Warshak (order here). He just came out with an updated edition, and it’s terrific. It’s essentially the Bible on Brainwashing.

Don’t just think that brainwashing of children is done by parents. It’s done by grandparents too– and this double-barreled assault on the child and his or her relationship to you can be brutally effective in destroying the child’s opinions, attitudes, and feelings…

Cauldron of hatred

Although some brainwashing parents may avoid conflict with you, inside they’re often a boiling cauldron of hatred and hostility. – www.brainwashingchildren.com

From Dr. Warshak‘s site,

I expect this show to have a major impact in educating the public about the suffering of children who have been turned against a parent, and about what can be done to help ease a child’s transition back to a rejected parent.

The segment will be anchored by 20/20 reporter Chris Cuomo. This topic, mental child abuse, is vastly misunderstood by parents, therapists, judges, and lawyers alike, so I’m excited that it will be in front of a national audience. Dr. Warshak is the foremost authority on parent-child alienation, so ABC did great in choosing to interview him.

The segment should air in the first hour of the 2 hour show (9-11pm EST).

I expect this show to have a major impact in educating the public about the suffering of children who have been turned against a parent, and about what can be done to help ease a child’s transition back to a rejected parent.

The Four Levels of Brainwashing Children

Brainwashing children to despise a parent falls into one of four categories of severity:

1. Glancing insult
2. Direct attack
3. Relationship assault
4. Relationship-ending coaching

Glancing insult
The glancing insult, also called a “drive-by put down,” is a derogatory remark said to the child about a parent. These are off-the-cuff remarks whose purpose is to instill doubt and negative opinions about the target parent.

Examples include:

“She’s picking you up at 6pm, if she’s even on time”
“So your father didn’t seem to care much about what you thought, huh…”
“You know I love you more than anyone else in the world does, don’t you?”

Direct attack
A direct attack is a slew of words plainly at plainly disparaging you, and thus your relationship to your child.

Examples:

“Your father is an inconsiderate jerk”
“If your mother wasn’t such a messed up soul, your time with her would be much more fun”
“Your mother is a terrible mother, that’s for sure. I can’t believe she did that—what a moron”

Relationship attack
When the source parent tries to harm the parent-child relationship by attacking visitations, minimizing telephone and email contact, and insinuating that time spent with the target parent is bad for the child.

Examples of what such parents will do:

Being “unavailable” all week to receive phone calls from the target parent to the child
Not returning any calls, texts, or emails made by the target parent
Telling the child, “You have complete family here with me and your Dad (step-father), yet he’s again ripping you away from us this Christmas”
Telling the child, “You only have 5 days left with her, then you’ll be back and safe with us.”
Withholding letter, postcards, and emails from the child

Relationship-ending coaching
The most deplorable thing a parent can do to their child is the final step, coaching the child on how to completely break off contact with their own parent.

Some of the things the source parent will teach the child include:

1. That once the child is 18, he/she no longer has to be in contact with the target parent anymore, and is encouraged to do just that
2. That once the child is 18, if a boy he can change his last name to something different like his step-father’s last name
3. That once the child is 12, he/she can go in front of a Judge and state how awful the target parent is, and of the desire to move in with the source parent and not be with the targeted parent at all anymore

Wrap-up: Take the high road
You’ll sometimes feel overwhelmed at correcting the brainwashing being inflicted upon your child. A brainwashed child will act in truly heart-wrenching manners, and you’ll often not even recognize him or her anymore.

But hang in there. Read this blog, discuss with other loved ones your frustration, and read the book “Divorce Poison,” take your complaint in front of the Judge in your case, and you and your relationship will be rewarded one day for your refusal to take part in counter-attacking the other parent.

Be a loving parent, don’t discuss the other parent in a negative light—ever—and take the high ground. Lastly, find a good child therapist who does “play therapy” with children, and you’ll be doing the right things to slowly undo the damage done to your child’s mind.

Any attempt at alienating the children from
the other parent should be seen as a direct
and willful violation of one of the prime
duties of parenthood.

- J. Michael Bone & Michael R. Walsh

other terms for brainwashing of children

• Teaching hate
• Attack on the child’s soul
• Parental alienation
• Sabotaging the parent-child bond
• Aligning the child against the parent
• Poisoning the child’s mind
• Inducing false hatred
• Stealing the child’s soul
• Crushing/killing the child’s spirit
• Relationship is under attack
• Erasing or rewriting the child’s good memories
• Bashing the parent
• Denying a loving relationship
• Programming
• Squashing the child’s desire for a relationship
• Mental torture
• Mental torment
• Badmouthing the parent
• Instill hatred where love once existed
• Campaign to destroy the parent-child relationship
• Mental or psychological child abuse
• Emotional child abuse
• Denying the child the love of one of his/her parents

These phrases can be helpful in describing to your child’s counselor, your lawyer, and any judges what you’re facing.

Children want to be loved by both of their parents. – www.brainwashingchildren.com

alienating home = abusive home

An alienating home is an abusive home – Mel Feit