Brainwashing and custodial parents

Brainwashing by Custodial Parents

Brainwashed by Custodial Parent

Who has more inroads to damage a child psychologically, the parent with whom a child spends 85% of the time, or the other parent (also known as “noncustodial” parent)?

Clearly, the custodial parent has the most opportunity to brainwash, align, and otherwise create distortions and lies in a child’s mind. And because women are overwhelmingly awarded custodianship in divorces and paternity suits, the majority of emotional abusive parents are women (to be clear, this does not mean that fathers do not brainwash).

Living with the child nearly full time provides a lot of opportunity to shape a child mentally and emotionally. Custodial parents have a lot of bearing in their child’s upbringing due to this massive imbalance of time awarded them compared to the noncustodial parent. And this time can either be productive or destructive.

Which is why it’s important for courts in America to grant meaningful visitation to the noncustodial parents, especially if mental child abuse is alleged. But sadly the opposite often happens– one parent is actually denied the ability to seek counseling for an abused child.

So sadly, the parent with the most time with the child has the best opportunity to damage her own child psychologically… and if that’s happening to you, it’s time to get the court and CPS involved.

About John

John Thomas Steinbeck is a parental alienation consultant. He and his son's relationship was under attack in a deplorable campaign of parental alienation. In this blog, John shares his insights, techniques, and tools in combating emotional child abuse. He did it-- today his son's love has been restored-- and you can too!
  • james

    I have two children 15 and 13. I share 50/50 custody with their other parent. They are being brainwashed to dislike me and my new husband. I can’t stand by and let this happen anymore, it is wrong on so many levels. What can I do to expose this and have it stop? The kids, when confronted, defend their other parent and call me crazy.

  • Larry

    My grandchildren are being told by their custodial father that if they tell what goes on in their (his) home he will send them to foster care.The oldest child demostated how he beats the younget child by putting his knee in her back and beating her,The children are terrified they beg their mom not to tell anyone,because it makes him angry and he punishes them.WE called CPS and they investigated and said all was well.They children are not lying,but they are not going to tell and have to go back and be punished by him.Please!!!Help!

  • carol kenny

    my husband has also done this with my children. The children were told that my husband’s family is their “new family” and is trying very hard to cut me(their mother) out of their lives. It rips my heart out to think of the pressure being put on these children, who are so confused. If anyone in a similar situation knows of help of just wants wants to talk to someone going thru the same thing, leave a message…

  • tonp

    Yes women are guilty of this in massive numbers it
    is called Parental Alienation Syndrome the feminists desperately try to portray men as the culprits and women as the victims (see the above posts) and deny that the syndrome exists

  • Roxy

    Easier said than done. This is happening with my boyfriend’s child. He is non-custodial even though mom has popped for cocaine 3 times & been arrested for possession. The court system is a JOKE letting the child stay with her. She is on her 8th boyfriend this year & child has met ALL of them….and I am not sure how many jobs she’s been through this year. She is living with her mom who is EVIL & she is brainwashing the child. He broke down last night & cried because he said that his nona is telling him mean things about us. I can’t even say a word to him anymore without him getting a hateful attitude. It’s horrible. I’d love to get CPS & the court involved, but that takes $$$. Also…when the mom won’t give you the kids insurance card, it’s kind of hard to take him to see a therapist to be evaluated.

  • Dan

    My ex forces my kids to call her new husband Daddy. Just recently I’m starting to lose my daughter, she seems to have a hate on for me that she never had before. This past weekend, she said “Most of what Mommy says about you is true” This woman has been brainwashing my kids since we broke up 7 years ago. There seems to be nothing I can do, and it angers me tremendously. Any suggestions???

  • Ashley

    I am in a custody badle with my aunt who has gardianship of my daughter i havent been able to see her for almost two years and my younger children i get to see them 8 hours a month at one time i was hooked on drugs that is why i am alianated from my children however i have been clean for six months my ex tells my kids that his new wife is there mom he hits my kids and threatenes them i even recorded them telling me what he is doing my kids are confused and showing signs of distress but the courts think its me because thats what he tells them to say my aunt is doing the same thing please help

  • Patrick Chiacchia

    My wife has every symptom of brainwashing my children this article mentions, including MSBP, PAS, counseling, using our children as spies, and even using my children’s grandmother [my mother] to help her.
    I engaged the leading PAS Guardian Ad Litem in my area and even she cannot see this, or is prohibited by the Court to look at the hundreds of medical records of my 16-year old daughter….she has never really been sick, 600 visits…MRI’s, X-Rays, all the time, most without any outcome.
    I a desperate. Is there anyone out there who can direct me to a Massachusetts organization that will help? Of course, she has the Massachusetts Department of Mental Health “on her side” as well as all of our children’s friends, their parents, caregivers, babysitters, doctors and mental health professionals. She has also exposed our children to the occult with psychics and allowed continued toxic religious proselytizing. And, my wife was a victim herself.
    I am gridlocked
    God bless all of you trying to deal with this insidious disease

  • Jo Howe

    My 16yr old son has lived with his father since he was 12, his Dad has systematically turned him against me within this 4yr period and now he wants nothing to do with me. In his recent hate filled emails to me he has deemed me evil and has told me im a bad person because i had a termination when i was married to his dad (obvioulsy his dad has told him about this, twisted). I am seriously concerned for his mental wellbeing and have tried involving social services but no-one seems to be concerned as he is 16. What on earth do I do!?

  • melissa

    My husbands ex left him for a 21 yr old after being married for 13 yrs she thought he would always take her back by using the kids 4 boys. Well he met me 4 months after he filed for divorce his divorce took 4 years and we have been married for 4 years she had custody of the boys for 5 yrs but left them one summer with us for 7 months no phone calls nothing then tried to fight us for custody well we won and then she started the brain washing telling them we had the affair and I am the reason for their divorce they believe her and are violent in our home I have a son of my own and we now have a 1 yr old dtr and we are so normal and she tries to convience the court were are neglecting them.. we don’t know what to do.. the one child 13 yr old is the same personality as her and its so violent in our home..cps is no help. Can we have any luck with getting supervised visitation?

  • Anne

    I have a 10 year old boy. I share 50/50 custody with their other parent. He is being brainwashed to be rude with me and my new husband. I can’t stand by and let this happen anymore, When my child comes home from his father’s ,his head is being filled with so much that he cries and this has to stop?

  • Kurt

    OMG this is such a common thing! I never realized until this week when it came apprarent that this is what is happened to my boys. Brainwashing kids! How sick is that. There should be a mandatory prison sentence for this because it is insidious CHILD ABUSE. EX’s can be so cruel to use the kids to get back at us or make themselves look better to win the favor of the childrens love. I feel so betrayed I’m devastated that she has been doing this to my 2 boys for the last several years.
    I must learn how to deal with this. I am very angry.

  • nancy

    I have just come to the realization that my ex husband has emotionally abused me ever since my son was born 16 years ago. Even after my 31 hours of labor, he went home to sleep and then went to work. Ever since then he has used me to bring in an income and when I couldn’t do that anymore after 14 hour days and 2 years after my daughter, who I rarely saw was born, I came home to tend to my kids, especially my son who was at 6 showing signs of stress. Bullying other kids and treated for depression. I have taken care of kids ever since and then ex was jealous of THAT! I have not done anything right for years though I cared for them every day. If we were happy, he hated it even more. Eventually he called DYFS on me to initiate me to ask for divorce, and then acted like victim. Lots more sad details, I won’t explain but the upshot is that he used the internet to turn all my old friends, his family, and eve mine to feel sorry for him, and to make all believe I was mentally unbalanced, factually false, but no one wanted to talk to or hear from me and I did’t even try after a while. He took my kids before divorce and put them in new large home with lots of toys and isolated them from me though I am the custodial parent. He has spent the last 6 years alienating my son from me and others for that matter. Son is totally dependent on him and addicted to “something” I think pot. he was removed from his treatment of life-long ADHD and depression, and when he asked me 3 years later to help him, THAT was sabotaged. I kept my daughter as close as I could to protect as the ex wasn’t interested in her-until now that my son distrusts me on his own, and ex has moved in long-time girlfriend and a month ago decided to “save” my beloved daughter. In a matter of a month she has turned into the picture of her brother and bot, their father. I agree, these guys should be locked up, but if I go to court, not only will I will lose, but they will blame me, I have tried to kill myself thinking that if I was gone maybe they would be better off. my son, though showed no sympathy has admitted he was devastated isolated and alone in his father’s home and feels as lonely as I do. But the ‘allergy” and “fear” is still ingrained. I am distraught over the loss of my daughter and can no longer watch this abuse. My children, who used to be dynamic, loving and fearless, have become angry, sullen and lacking their empathy I painstakingly taught them. the only good news is I am fighting back, the ex, not them. Knowledge is power and standing up to a bully teaches them you are no longer a victim. They love weakness, and pleading……I have turned my anger against myself into action-becoming informed, and where possible joining others in same plight.

  • jay

    Make sure you secure the services of a good attorney early in the battle. My son is soon to be 20. I have had no relationship with him since he was eleven. I held out hope that he would remember the good times we had. Tonight, I realized that will probably never happen. Parental alienation/brainwashing is devastating and long lasting.

    I took the high road and it led to the above.

  • I come from the other side of the fence in a way. I am the custodial parent, and I am the one accused of brainwashing the children. The ex makes claims that I block phone contact and visitation. All I can do is sigh. He very rarely makes contact at the times outlined in the parenting plan, or at reasonable hours surrounding those times, and constantly directly tells the children lies about my family and I, or infers them. All I can do is counter with the truth, i.e. letting them read what the judge outlined as to what he and I both are to do and not to do with regards to them, and let them make their own choices. It’s very difficult. They are often disappointed by his empty promises, they are suspicious of his lies and half truths, and they often ask me why he lies, and for that I have no answer. They are in counseling, and working with enough professionals that if I were the problem, I’m certain that some red flags would have been raised. It still bothers me though that he makes these claims, and the he tells the children I am brainwashing them. Not all parents accused of doing the brainwashing are the ones that actually are.

  • MY Xhusband would abuse me , I started to leave but he kicked me off before I could and took my son. I went back to court and proved The lied to him about me but they told my son The judge and 2 doctors were lieing. Now my son thinks I abused him. He is 21 and plays games on net all day, has no friends and is on ssi.

  • Becca

    Does anyone know if a 16 year old in Wisconsin has the right to stay with joint-custodial Dad to avoid the abuse at primary-custodial Mom’s house while dad tries to gain custody? Will dad get in trouble without any court papers stating child can stay at his house away from custodial mom? They are joint custody at present 60/40 and are in mediation process.

  • M

    I have two girls, a five yr old, and a nine yr old. Their father and I split up in 07 after he moved on with someone else. He has moved his friend into the home and was bringing his “ladyfriend” home when I was working. I have always believed strongly in fighting to keep the family together and it just didn’t work so I did what was best for the girls. At that point this was not a healthy environment for them. I moved out into an apartment I have had joint custody of them, with placement since 2008. I have always thought it was very important for them to have a good relationship with him. So they have always gone to see him every weekend. I even asked his permission to move an hour away in with my boyfriend. I made sure that is was ok with the girls too. If they didn’t want to come, I wouldn’t have moved at all. I have always told them that their happiness is what matters most to me. They know this. I have a very open relationship with them. If they told me they were unhappy, I would do what they wanted to make sure they were. He on the other hand makes her feel bad for things. Like she invited my boyfriend to come to a Girl Scout dance with her, and my ex found out and not only gave me a really hard time about it, but gave her hell about it to. To the point where she didn’t even want to go. She cried for hours, and I felt so bad for her that she felt so bad. Then my ex calls the next day and says that dances aren’t really his thing and that he wasn’t going to go anyways.

    They have adjusted well here and are doing so great.. they are in the tops of their class and everyone is impressed with their performance. However their father constantly tells me that he shouldn’t have to pay me to take care of them and that he will take custody from me, and that maybe they want to go to school there next year, he has badgered me with custody and support since day 1. Last weekend, my nine year old was crying in the car saying daddy asked if she would rather go to the school near his house.. it really upset her. She told me she doesn’t like when he asks her questions in the car. Now it seems like she is wary about telling me she misses me when I call her at her Dads house? She says I love you.. that’s not a problem but if I say I miss you, she will either just say bye, or reply with me too. Could he have that much of an effect on her actions toward me when she is there or am I reading to much into it. Is my asking her if she is happy here, with our new surroundings, and her new school, and living with my BF bad to do? I just want to make sure she is happy. I mean i would never tell her that she should not want to see her Dad, even when she doesn’t want to go, I encourage her to go, telling her that she should.. I have never bad mouthed him, and even when my daughter complained about him(saying he doesn’t do anything with them) I told her that she should tell him how she feels, and that he loves her very much.

    I recently went and filed for a modification of custody. It is not changing the days that we have them, just putting it in writing. Every time I try he flips out telling me that we can work it out amongst ourselves. so I withdrew the last one, then he started telling me he was sick of giving me his money, and that they should come live with him again. I actually called the court to request that it not be sent till Monday so that he doesn’t ask the nine yr old questions while she is there this weekend. What does everyone else think. Should I be worried about her not saying I miss you. Am I bad for making sure she is happy and asking her if she is.

  • Bp USMC 83

    Well my stories a absolute nightmare. I’ll probably hit the character limit for posting. In 1983 I was a young marine home on leave. I was introduced to a girl from East Oakland (Problem #1? I hate to say that). She lied about her age and ended up being 17. Being that I was 18, it wasn’t too bad, but still. So she ended up getting pregnant after she assured me she was on the pill. I learned a big lesson on that one. Well I’m stuck and want to the right thing. So it wasn’t till she started showing up high on weed that I told self (Who entered the Corps planning for a future in law enforcement later in life) this chick is too much of a liability on my future. I ended up being ordered overseas for two years. While I was overseas, she ends up introduced to my Sgt. I warned him, but he failed to heed my warning. Lucky for him he got out childless. She ends up taking my son to my parents’ house on his birthdays and Christmas only (obvious motivations if you ask me but…).

    So I come back stateside. Standard s.o.p is bringing him around not bathed, dirty clothed, and only on occasions where gifting is involved. Every single time he’s supposed to stay the night, it was like having a whimpering puppy in the room. But hey, it’s what you deal with as a parent.

    I end up applying for a state law enforcement agency after having been with a local police force. They did there routine interview, and she did everything to slam me. Luckily, when the investigator was on the verge of disqualifying me, the Sgt. in charge of the unit advised him to take in to account the source. And the fact that I had wife and daughter at that time, versus someone living on welfare in a filthy apartment. And, oh did I mention by then she had at least four additional children all of which have separate fathers?

    Anyways, the two times she dropped of my son, she drove up in cars that would tell any cop that this looks like a damn stolen car! But for the sake of my kid, I ignored it. So she would go long periods of time without contacting me after having moved around like a nomad, only to accuse me of being a bad father after surfacing again. I still don’t know how I’m supposed to know where someone is supposed to be when they just up and move, never saying “Hey, I’m moving, or have moved”. So the county of Alameda “drags” into court saying I was a deadbeat dad, and that I owed $5,000 in child support. “WHAT!” I had never stopped paying to San Francisco county since returning to the States.

    They withheld my tax return, and we all know how tax returns are usually spent before it even arrives. I was so pissed. So I had to do the leg work to get the records to show that I never stopped paying and that it was taken from my check every payday. Next thing you know, I go to pick up my son and POOF, she’s gone again. “Ain’t this some 5h1t!”. So I do some research to see why she’s moved from San Francisco, to Los Angeles county, to Riverside County, to San Berdoo, to Alameda, and now who knows where. Find out from a local beat cop that she was arrested for driving on a suspended license and possession of rock cocaine. “I’ll be damned”.

    So I find out that she’s got an aunt that she listed as living at the residence. So I go there and talk to the aunt. She was so scarred of retribution from my sons mother, it was like an interview on “The first 48”. She tells me that she’s living at a hotel off of Sr-99. She also divulged that my son hadn’t been to school in almost an entire school year because he was taking care of his siblings while their mother was high. After having gone years of not forcing myself upon him and just telling him that if he ever needed me, I’ll be there when he’s ready, I pulled her back into court. Let’s just say the court found, after interviewing her, our son, and me, that she was providing an unhealthy environment. They also found that she had obviously brainwashed him against me and awarded me full and immediate custody. She went off in the courtroom.

    Of course anytime you go off in court the deputies are going to run a check on you. Up comes the felony warrant and she’s arrested. My son, now 15 goes off, and states that he’ll just run away. All I really wanted was for him to be in school. Not wanting to end up dead in my sleep and after receiving an apology from her family for accepting the stories of my being a deadbeat dad, I agreed to allow him to stay with his grandmother providing he stayed in school.

    Well I end up getting an early morning phone call from his aunt saying I needed to get him. Turns out that he was playing games, not doing what he was supposed to regarding school, and not being where he was supposed to be picked up. The aunt and her brother end up confronting my sons’ mother at their mother’s house in San Francisco. Chaos ensues, and she steals the mothers’ car with the sister and brother in pursuit. She drives at speeds of up to 100 mph, between San Francisco, and Sacramento. When they called the CHP, even the CHP couldn’t catch up. A confrontation occurs and she gets evicted from the hotel.

    My relationship with my son, who is now 26, is that he basically lives the same nomadic lifestyle, makes babies while not really having a career, and likes to blast on Facebook about drinking and smoking weed. Then turns around saying to me that he wants to have a relationship with my 23,8, and 6 year old daughters. Not to mention I’m still in law enforcement, and don’t care to be around dope heads. Apologies to all who read the entire posting, but when you life through a soap opera, it tends to be difficult to describe in short and I didn’t even put in every detail. My belief is that children should be placed with the parent that is more capable of caring for the child both financially and emotionally. It’s my hope that any young man that reads my story either avoids placing himself in my predicament, or feels that when he’s in a bad situation involving his child, he will realize that it can always be worse.

  • rob

    after a year of no being able to see my sons from a false restraining order against me . the ex wife wanted full control of my sons . i can see the brainwashing in them and after reading most of these post i truly believe now there is no hope . the courts and judges and lawyers are the worst human beings i have ever met . being that i cant afford a lawyer i get raked of the coals everytime i have to go to court i have never felt so helpless i have given everthing to the ex and she goes and lies to get me from ever seeing my sons again. where is the help i need no where . im so sorry to all of you fathers who have to go throught this hell that the system has created it wrong and unlawful .

  • Paul

    I am a father with a lovely little girl aged 51/2 and seperated from the ex. The ex has alleged i sexually abused my daughter on 5 occassions and shopped her about to doctors and a hospital, the family court does nothing to stop mothers doing this. The latest is the ex telling my daughter that her (legal) surname is not her surname and that she should use the mothers surname (different to fathers and childs). I believe this to be abuse (identity assassination) i am labelling it. What can i do about this ? and is there any articles on this issue ?

  • jackie

    My daughters son’s father paid someone to kill her and the law know’s it and there isn’t enough to arrest him. So the father has custody of my grandson, which i have visitation with, but he has turned my grandson into a monster that was brain washed by him, by telling him we are not family and that he does not have to lisen to us. He has tried to get my visits taken away from me by telling the courts and cps that we abuse him. My grandson is so out of control when I have him because of his fathers brain washing him against his mom’s side of the family that he hits us and tells us off, threatens us, breaks things, beats on our 8 year old daughter and he is 7. I don’t know what to do about the father and how to stop my grandson from abusing us! HELP

  • Red

    Mine started 3 years ago. our marriage wasnt working and I decided enough was enough it wasnt fair on the children and it wasnt fair on me or him. I asked him to leave but he refused so we lived separated (or tried to) lives for around 3 months when i decided that myself and the children could not live in that environment any longer. I found somewhere new for the children and I to live but was informed by my ex I couldnt move out of the village where we lived. Due to the control that I had lived with for years I thought this normal (I know now it so wasnt). The children and I moved out and were happy apart from the constant phone calls from him and him thinking he could come round when ever he wanted. I had an argument with my daughter and told her she was grounded and couldnt go out. Her response was she was moving in with her dad. Calling her bluff (which i regret everyday) I said go. Her dad welcomed her with open arms instead of talking to me to find out what had happened. Next thing I know he is on my door step claiming I had kicked her out (this was untrue). Although I was working 25hrs a week I still needed certain benefits to help pay the rent and sue to my daughter moving out I was told I had to find a smaller place as they were not prepared to pay for 3 rooms as there were only 2 of us living there. I moved again in less than a year with my son. My daughter at this point refused to talk to me and when we did talk it just turned into arguments with her dad fuelling it (as he always seemed to be there when I saw her). My son and I moved and we were happy and my daughter started to come round but would get moody and cross with me when i layed down any rules. My ex started to come round again just letting himself into my home and if i dared to say anything the children would blow up at me saying I was being very unfair on there dad. My son and I had a disagreement due to the fact I said he couldnt have any money for his x-box. He went to his dads who proceeded to come round and accuse me of being a bad mother, I needed locking up and I had kicked one child out was I going to do this to my other child, all of this was shouted at me in the street outside my house with my son stood next to him. He blamed my sons behaviour all on me and basically just ripped into me with as much abuse as he possibly could. He informed family members of mine that I was an unfit mother and that I had kicked both my children out. He went round to my closest family members house everyday saying little snippets. Eventually things got so bad I had to leave the village where I was living I said to my son that we were going to move but he became very very upset about this as he didnt want to leave his friends which I understood. It was decided by my son that he would move in with his dad. Not long after I was told by the dad that I had abandoned and kicked my children out. He conveyed this to the children and even got my family as well as his family on sode with this to the point where his parents told my children they were better with there dad and didnt need there mum. Since all this I have had very limited contact with my children as he made it very difficult for me to see them and due to there ages my solicitor told me that they wouldnt have to see me if they didnt want too. As he has pushed me further and further away my children now believe that I dont care and dont love them which is so untrue. I have tried so hard to keep contact with them. Any texts or calls I have off them is abusive. the reason I have come on here tonight is because I contact my ex tonight to make sure our daughter wasnt going to the city centre any time this week or weekend due to the disruption that is happening. He replied she has gone on holiday. She is 15. I asked where she had gone and said you have a duty to inform me if she is away (as she hasnt gone with him by the sounds of it) I recieve a txt from my son next swearing and being abusive saying I should of contacted her if I wanted to know and that it proves I dont care (he is 12). This is only part of what has happened and i have tried to be brief. But everyday my heart is torn apart and he has taken years away from the children and myself that we will never get back. He is hurting the children and doesn’t seem to care so long as he gets his money and there backing so his hatred for me is fueled more and more.

  • Blue

    My ex husband abused me and one of my children that wasn’t his. He started trying to brainwash my children early on to pit them against me. Even the one that wasn’t his. He recently took my child through the court system. My son now is 15 and choose which parent they want to live with. I am devastated. He has done nothing but try to take my children from me and abuse me with the courts since we divorced. This has been going on for over 6 years. I don’t know what to do.

  • David A

    Here is a video of my experience with spousal abuse and parental alienation. I was married to someone who I knew had a high-conflict personality, but I was completely blindsided by what happened during our divorce. I hope others will learn from my experience and will take measures to protect their children before it’s too late. Any feedback is appreciated. Thanks.

    Warning, strong language.

  • Kristie Bradley

    Have been seperated for 7 yrs. have 3 children from ex. , Joint Custody and now the kids are telling me of the past years ago that only me and my ex. know. They are bashing on me when the story they repeat is opposite. I don’t comment to them but to you I can. I don’t believe in bringing the children into adult conversation. They are 8 & 9, How do i fix this situation I’m needing to get them counseling so I can know how they are being treated and to free them from the lies?

  • Michelle

    and Child Protection and Family COURT is useless!!!!Just have to suck it up or let them move on!!!!!

  • Candice

    My 10 year old has been with his father for 6 weeks over the December holidays. Know my son wants to live with his father. His father is brain washing him, my son seems to think he does not need a mother. Any advise would be great, very stressed and sad, as I love my son dearly. My ex-husband has broken mine and my son’s relationship.

  • Kari Vandyk

    My son is turning 5 in March 2012. I have temporarily placed my son with my parents until my court case is amended from court due to CAS worker being mentally unstable and has been institutionalized.
    My parents in which I trusted to maintain the same routines and healthy lifestyle my son is used to, has been subjected to the brainwashing by my own mother. As hard as it is to admit she has done some ireversable damage to my relationship with her as well as manipulating my son into saying things my son wouldnt even think about unless he was coached. he is a thomas the train lover (thats all he does) how on earth did he come up with he cant have a bath at home here, because its rusty? or better yet he isnt supposed to hug mommy or kiss mommy on the cheek because he will get the flu? or the best one my mom convinced him that he could have a shower with her both being naked!!! I am outraged! I immediately called the police who told me they cant do anything because family and childrens services are involved. So I called them made a formal complaint. its been 2 weeks and he is still there. How much more does my child have to endure before I end up in jail for protecting my child? CAS wont do anything. what am i supposed to do as a single mom already in court fighting to get him back, my lawyer is ready to let the judge know everything that is happening to my son while in the care of his grandparents, thankgod. But what if the judge doesnt believe it? my mom even told me that she had a shower with him when I asked. Im afraid that i made a huge mistake asking them to watch over him. I was assaulted as a 6 year old, now im wondering if the person accused was the real person or was it my mom?

  • livinginthedestruction

    I have been watching this situation play out in front of me and I am trying to help with it as best as I can without being a lawyer..cause I am not… My friend has been with out his children for almost 7-8 yrs now and has lost family and friends due to it… The other parent hates (and I do mean hates) him and has for the last several years promoted the PAS on his children… They call at his job saying he is a POS of a father they want him dead, the list is endless as to what they have said…and all the while in the back ground the other parent is pushing and insigating the situtation to an even higher point… in this last yr he has found out that one of the children is not his biologically which devasted him but he was dealing with it as best as he could and then towards the end of the year this same child was brought to his house and left with a notorized letter giving him temporary custodyfinding out that there was a cps investigation on this parent for abuse and drug use… For almost 4 months he and his girlfriend of 4 1/2 years advocated to help this child even though they both knew that it wasnt his… The child wouldnt even try to get close to him for outings or even family time and not for lack of them trying either.. They found out about sexting that the child was doing and also trying to sneak off and have sexual relations and tried to confront and deal with it but it ended in disaster… The other parent would leave filthy messages for not only him but the child as well… Cps was involved with this child and with the other parent but nothing was being done. The girlfriend pushed the limits that she could by calling the mayor of the town they live in, the governer, the cps omsbudman, so on so forth to no ends and with no help it was always someone elses issue.. The child had been put into counseling and my friend was having to pay out of pocket for this due to the fact that they live in a different county than where the cps case was started but had to still follow the same rules… The child was argumentitive and abusive toward the other children that live in the home at the same time… Telling the younger children to keep their mouths shut.. using their love against them.. The girlfriend had not known about all of this till after one evening her grandparent had passed and the elder child and this child got into a fight which turned physical.. neither won but the eldest child was blamed and took the blame on as their own for the fight. The child then tried threatening my friend with running away and wanting to go back to the other parent but my friend and his girlfriend had a family member come and get the child being under the impression that this child would come to harm if the other parent were to get them back.. Finally to make matters better the other parent got the child back and then showed up at my friends house demanding the clothing that they had had to purchase and ask for for this child the police were called and the other parent and the child were talking horribly about both of them (my friend and his girlfriend) saying the house was filthy covered in animal filth etc…. and all that they had tried to do was protect and help…. The officers were told in no uncertain terms that my friend would never EVER see his children again…and a voicemail was sent saying the he would never have to worry about this said child ever again…and that they had done a wonderful job being filth… It has been a non stop battle for him and when he finally learned he had rights as a father he went after his rights and now he is trying to get through each and every day missing his children and knowing that they are being turned more and more against him….

  • Karen

    I am very disappointed in this article labeling women as the manipulator, while this is probably statistically true let’s not jump to stereotyping all women to be bad. I REFUSE to talk bad about my children’s father and am currently being chastised for it. The general consensus is “Turn about is fair play!” Absolutely not!

    I am the custodial parent of my 14 and 16 yr old children for the past year after 3 years of fighting to get them. I left an emotionally abusive marriage of 13 yrs after finally having a nervous breakdown and seeing the light. Due to their father not leaving me alone and constantly making threats to me about him creating a scene with the children present, sneaking into my family’s home while we were all sleeping and taking my car keys, and just not leaving me alone when he was around. I was afraid of him but nobody would believe me since I had never told anyone how he acted during the marriage. I left the state, while he was fully aware of this and knew what my plans were regarding the children and where they would be. I needed to make sure that the move was the right thing before dragging the kids with me and I also needed to get better and off my medication from the breakdown so the deal was the summer to make sure that things were ok. Needless to say he threatened me with jail if I tried to come get them and kept saying that he had custody, he would only let me see them when he felt like it, never answered the phone or gave them my messages and wouldn’t allow them to come with me for visits. They even told me once that they weren’t allowed to talk about me in his presence and it was like they had to act like I was dead. What I am realizing now is that he also brainwashed them into thinking that his current jobless, homeless, wifeless situation was my fault and I didn’t want them, I never took care of them, never played with them… the list goes on and on. Both of my children have serious mental/emotional issues that they “Can’t” talk to me about, not that they won’t they can’t… everything is falling into place and to my horror I realize that they hate me and can’t even drum up one good memory with me in it. Every time it seems that things are getting better and we are getting closer they will all of a sudden not want anything to do with me and to my fiance he said it looks as if they feel guilty about getting close to me.

    I am in desperate need of some advice especially since they are slated to spend 6 weeks with him this summer.

  • Karen

    Please HELP I have been reading over the posts and everyone of them brings similiar if not exact emotional abusive cruelty to my boys from their father. My boys are 10 and 13 and their father continues to destroy our relationship! Bit by bit my boys grow to hate me. We have 50/50 custody and when they come back they are an emotionally hurting and to the point of hating wanting to come home. Even thou I provide a home with love and fun! I have been a dayhome provider for 10 yrs caring for children and raised a son 25yrs old now from a previous relationship. However their Dad still manages to still their joy of our time together. Iam desperate losing my children is killing me. I feel like I am stuck between a rock and a hard place! I cant really afford to go to court and fight this abuse against my children and if I could they would resent me for taking their father away and if I dont do anything it continues and their hate continues to grow and I lose my boys! What do I do???

  • Geno

    Man, It is comfortable to know that I’m not alone. My x wife is doing everything I have seen above, I have had DCF a version of your CPS involved and even they seen the signs. Have told my x to stop her lying multiple times. She’s made up stories to DCF to try to make me look like a bad parent, such as telling them that my 15yr boy was having sex which is illegal in our state, so a investiagation was opened and she finally admitted to lying and making it all up. I have full custody of my son now. I have a younger daughter that she has so brain washed now that she lies to me all the time. We have 50/50 custody of her and she acts like coming over or even talking to me is the end of her. I feel so lost and depressed. Even though DCFS see it’s happening they tell me that Mental abuse is so hard to prove, that there is now written examples as to what mental abuse is. So they will not proceed with charges or step in. My X went so far as to spread rumors about our daughter telling students and teachers that she was a lesbian. We had meetings at the school where she finally admitted she made the hole thing up. Even with all this she has been able to make my daughter believe I’m the bad guy. 🙁 I’m Taking the high road on this and keeping her in counseling and just trying to be as normal as I can around her. Show her I’m a good person. I don’t know what else to do. My son still visits his mother and has ran away from her 4 times now due to the way she treats him. The last time she told him I have all the files to put you away and take you away from your dad if you do it again. I don’t agree with running away from your problems however I do agree with removing yourself from any abuse. I have let both my kids read all the files from court and DCFS. I guess I’ll let them be what they want to be. I don’t know what else to do anymore. Emotionally I can’t handle it anymore, Watching my kids be so abused while no one will help them. The Law Sucks.

  • joann

    i am in the same situation as Carol Kenny. I went through a severe depression and was diagnosed as bi-polar. I never once hurt my kids but my ex has them believing god knows what. It is just horrible. help! I have been having visits with a counselor for close to 5 years and things are getting worse instead of better.

  • Kristi

    my husband now has sole custody of his 2 children with his ex wife and she only receives one hour once a month and the visits r supervised by myself and and my husband. sounds harsh i know but this has been a long, costly, uphill battle for us. she accused my husband at the time of their split of him abusing their daughter and was coaching her. acutally managed to get my husband and his case in front of a grand jury 3 times to indite him on sexual abuse charges, bounced around from home to home and abandoned the kids 2 different times. and the court after all those years believed her for so long. we got a very level headed social worker involved who did a very throuogh home study (costly but i would 100% recommed) because it gave an outside party to enter both homes on the courts orders and actually see day to day life with each parent separate with the kids or kid, and they check out all references, religion, indepth interviews with family of both sides and i would also request an ad litem attorney to represent this children to the judge. it is at no cost to either party if the case is extreme like ours was. but now our oldest daughter who was brainwashed at the age of 3 is has now been with us for almost 5 yrs and is starting to ask questions and she is an emotional mess. and its getting worse. should we push to stop visitation altogether?

  • Kristi

    And yes CPS and police and counselors involved. Women like this can be stopped. My husband did jump thru rings of fire it seemed. But cps FINALLY took her to court to stop her taking their daughter to doctors and sex crimes detectives. It was a mess, but the one that is suffering the most is my step daughter.

  • june mcclure

    ive had my grandson most of his life when mom do come get him he is being abused all the time by her just yesterday I went to get a restraining order on her provided documents police report sound mental health records the judge did not care and denied my request he is scared of her cps did not help what does it take for her to accidently kill him by hitting him and hurting him I don’t understand the law in seattle Washington I don’t know what to do any suggestions .

  • june

    ive had my grandson most of his life when mom do come get him he is being abused all the time by her just yesterday I went to get a restraining order on her provided documents police report sound mental health records the judge did not care and denied my request he is scared of her cps did not help what does it take for her to accidently kill him by hitting him and hurting him I don’t understand the law in seattle Washington I don’t know what to do any suggestions on this matter


    I am a mother of 4 girls ages 9,8,7 and a 10 month old and I have a step son age 4. My husband and I have been going to court for the last 3 1/2 years over custody, child support and false a ligation of molestation and abuse. I have had to take a lie detector test to prove my incense and his ex refused to take a lie detector test to prove that she isn’t making our 4 year old lie about being sexually abused by me. My 4 year old lives with his mother most of the time and lives with a RSO (Register sex offender) when my son started saying that someone was touching him and cps wouldn’t listen to us but when the mother said that I sexual asulted my 4 year old he was taken from us for months until we did parenting classes and I took a lie detector test. Even now that all of that I’d behind us our 4 year old will get argumentative with his sisters or myself and say “I will tell my mother you touched me if you don’t. …….” give him what he wants. He lies to neighbors about what I feed him and then when it’s dinner time he refuses to eat and says “my mother said your going to kill me if I eat your food”. 3 of my girls are black and white and my 10 month old is all white and so is my son, he will come over and call my kids NIG**RS and then call my 10 month old a bastered baby and it goes on….. I not only fear for him I fear for my girls safety and my self because of what his mother is teaching him. Over at her house he has stabbed other children with pencils knifes and other objects he hits and kicks his mother and spits on her and throws toys at her is what she says and try to say we are telling him to do these things. He has never acted like that in my home but I don’t know what we can do to get more custody just so we can get him the help he needs and to have a more stable life instead of living with a RSO or getting pawned off to anyone who will watch him because his mother doesn’t want to.

    Any ideas we are a two parent house hold with 2 incomes and she has no job and about to get evicted from her home and she refuses to give him his parenting time thinking she will get more child support is she keeps him away from his dad. And all the aggressive behavior he is doing at her home is unlocked called for and getting the RSO away from him.

    Please help……

  • Ann

    I have 2 sons my mother has guardianship of them bc of my health as a child my mother mentally and emotially abuse me my 15 year old came out and told me things my mother was saying to him and treating him like he was nothing the things he told me brought back to me the same things she used to say to me eactally the same but doing this to my son is way to far last night my mother called me up and told me the things he was doing calling his father which he knows he cant call or see him untill hes 18 he got on the phone with me and said he was lying about everything but I dont believe he was lying to me bc I believe he is being emotially abuse from his grandma bc he tells me what she says and does to him as a child she did exactlly the same thing to me what can I do I need help please

  • Ann

    am very worried and stressed out about my son my mother has him bc of my tbi and epilesy I have full custody but she has guardianship my mother as I was a child mentally,emotially and phycially abused me as I was a child now my 15 son came out and told me things she was saying to him that hurts him bad she tells him exactally what she would do to me everything she does to him she has done to me police were called dcfs was nothing happened she said he was lying about it bc hes cellphone was taken away from him so he was mad so he lied and made him tell me he lied over the phone to me he was in tears this is hard for me bc I know in my heart and head he is not lieing bc how would he know and say everything he has been doing to him she has done exactally to me as a child everything he needs help I need help for hes sake