Find the joys that you can. Because this takes years in most cases to recover from a severe alienated state from your son or daughter or children; you can’t be fixated on the alienation and let the poison that’s being dripped over your kid or kids and yourself infect and drown out and poison all the other areas of your life.
There are six specific things I really want you to concentrate on because you can’t let they alienator win, so to speak, by allowing this to make you depressed or to crowd out all the other good things in your life.
Here are the six: friends, family, job, hobbies, religion, and passions, and obviously, not in that order.
Go for each one of those and write out a list of what you have that’s joyous in your life, what you have that’s amazing, that makes you really happy, and you’re going to have lots of things in all of these. If you feel like you’re short, especially on passions, start something new. Be creative. Say ‘you know what, I’m going to use this time of alienation to do something I normally would never do.’ It’s taking a negative thing and creating something positive out of that. That’s going to be another video I’ll be doing.
Start a new hobby, start something new. Do something that you could look back one day and go, ‘you know what, without the alienation I would have never learned Italian, with the alienation I would have never reconnected with Joey in New York.’ Find one thing or many that you can start now so that there’s some seeds that you’ve planted even though you’ve planted these seeds in some rotten, disgusting, ugly soil, can’t think of a better word. What you’re essentially doing here is compartmentalizing in a healthy respect.
We all have pains in our life, but instead of taking those pain compartments and blowing them up and making them bigger, especially making them bigger than they actually are, it’s taking those pain compartments and shrinking them down. If you’ve heard of neurolinguistic programming (NLP), that’s exactly what it talks about, it’s almost like you have these balloons up here and shrinking in your head that represent the different areas of your life and taking the painful balloons, in this case the alienation of your son Johnny, and shrinking it down and blowing those other ones bigger.
You blow up the family one in your head to where you’re actually looking at a balloon and go, “Hey, I’ve got all these good, positive balloons in my head,” and taking the alienation one, instead of making it bigger and crowding everything out, you’re actually making it smaller and shrinking it down to size, it really works. It’s what helped me immensely during those years. I don’t know how I would’ve stayed sane otherwise because sometimes I just thought about him all the time.
Try to do that, I know it’s easier said than done, especially early on, but really try that. I hope these six can help you!
Parental alienation is a vicious form of child abuse.
If you think about the parents that have been turned against their own child or children, many of them are essentially grieving over the loss of a child who’s still alive.
Let’s be honest, many of these alienators wish you were dead. That’s the reality. By removing you from the child’s life, the children’s life, what difference is it– there’s no funeral, but you are away from them and if it was up to them there would be no father or mother for this child or children.
It’s really sick.
Let’s be honest, the parents that go full bore in a campaign of alienation, are mentally ill. Let’s call it for what it is. There’s something wrong with them, morally speaking. Their moral compass is broken. What parent, even in the midst of a break-up, wants to see that child suffer?
The alienator does.
It’s a real sick and twisted form of child abuse.
“If teaching a child to despise his or her own parent isn’t child abuse, what is?” – BrainwashingChildren.com
“There is no question that parental alienation is a form of child abuse. It is a horror show. The damage to children is enormous. When a child loses a parent, they are killing off a part of themselves because there is an identity between the child and both parents. The result is that they become self-injurious. I see all the warning signs and all the flags of the self-hatred: nightmares, anxiety, oppositional behaviors in school, presence of gastrointestinal syndromes, failing school grades, more susceptibility to peers with oppositional behaviors, juvenile delinquency, substance abuse, and depression” – Dr. Raymond Havlicek
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Subjecting a child to negative statements about their own parent violates the most basic job we have as parents: to protect their heart.
When I think back on all the negative things (whether truthful or a lie) our son heard about me, what did they all have in common?
They hurt his heart.
This blog wouldn’t exist if parents out there were able to do this fundamental job of theirs. Their inability and/or refusal to protect their child from completely inappropriate hate, negativity, contempt, and denigration is a true tragedy– and millions of children suffer as a result.
You just discovered something about your ex? Ask one question: Will this information hurt or help their heart?
As no other question matters.