Brainwashing Children

Brainwashing Tool #16: Not showing them your letters

Posted on 15. Oct, 2008 by admin.

One thing commonly done by a parent who wants you to have minimal contact to “their” son or daughter is to not show them cards or letters you mail.

You can send postcards, a birthday card, a Valentine’s Day card, whatever. But a parent bent on harming his or her own child’s relationship with the other parent will pass those right along to the trash.

What to do?

Whenever you send a letter or card, remind yourself a week later to ask your son or daughter if they received it. If they didn’t then it’s time to speak to the parent. Explain how you expect letters you send to please be forwarded to the child. Don’t be angry with them, just state kindly but firmly that you would request that correspondence be shared with the child.

You can also start sending your postcards or letters to the child’s school. I’ve done this for quite some time. I address the letter to the teacher, my son, and the entire 3rd grade class. I’m sending them from different countries, so it provides a source of learning and entertainment for everyone. If you’re in the same city all the time this won’t work quite as well, but you get the idea. Explain to the teacher what’s going on, and he or she will be more than happy to field a few letters or postcards.

If that doesn’t work, then it’s time to air your grievance in front of a judge. Contact your lawyer.

This is just one of many forms of mental child abuse. Denying the other parent’s love towards their child one small step at a time…

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Brainwashing Tool #3: No pics of you anywhere

Posted on 01. Oct, 2008 by admin.

Your ex has many tools at his or her disposal to push you away from and out of your child’s life.

One of the small but telling ways is to deny any pictures of you in your kid’s room at your ex’s. Why would they do this?

Simple. “Out of sight; out of mind.”

Your ex is making a pointed attempt to keep the child from thinking of you. Looking at a picture instills warm feelings towards that person, but your ex does not want the child to feel these feelings towards you.

Think about how tragic this is. The parent is deliberately taking away a memory of the other parent from the child.

While it may seem on the surface like it’s not that big of a deal, it actually is. If your kid has other pics in his room (and you can be sure the other parent is in one or more of them), but you’re not in any of them, you can be sure your ex is up to this sad and subtle brainwashing technique.

Not allowing pics of you anywhere is ywr another tool for bitter ex’s to help pass their dislike or even hatred of you — despite your being one of the two top people of importance in their life– onto the child.

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Brainwashing Tool #8: The telephone

Posted on 23. Sep, 2008 by admin.

When you have your kid for your visitation time, oftentimes the other parent knows he/she has only one way of brainwashing your kid during those days. The tool used?

The telephone/cellphone.

The alienating parent will try one or several of the following tactics:

1. Keep the child on the phone for a long time
2. Inquire in a negative spirit how the visit is going. Instead of “tell me what you did today,” the sentiment more like “Are you doing OK?” “How much do you miss me?”
3. Tell the child about a big surprise awaiting him/her upon their return
4. Tell the child how much the parent misses them, that the time apart is very difficult

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The Brainwashing Boomerang

Posted on 20. Sep, 2008 by admin.

Although direct and firm intervention is always required when dealing with an ex’s attempting to alienate you from your child, always keep this in the back of your head: the concept of the Brainwashing Boomerang.

Brainwashing Boomerang (n) – when a parent’s attempt to alienate their ex from their child or children backfires, and the intended effect is the opposite: The child or children resent the parent who attempted the brainwashing.

You can’t sit back and wait for this effect to take place down the road. It is something that often happens, however, especially in cases where the children have relatively strong and independent minds (ie, less susceptible to mind shaping). This blog doesn’t recommend this passive approach, however, as damage is still done to the child’s psyche.

And even this boomerang effect isn’t desirable, as it simply switches hostility between the two parents… in other words, hostility which shouldn’t be there at all still exists.

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“Don’t make me choose!” – the universal cry of children

Posted on 20. Sep, 2008 by admin.

Inside a child’s mind, when he or she faces brainwashing from a parent, the feeling they get is one of:

Please don’t make me choose!

Children know their parents have faults and aren’t perfect. They don’t hold one parent up to the other and say to themselves “this parent is better, so I like them better.” Rather, children simply want harmony and to be loved by both, in each parent’s own way of expressing it.

They don’t want to have to choose one parent over the other. Which is why brainwashing is such a travesty– it’s forcing them to develop negative feelings towards a parent when the child doesn’t feel such hostility naturally.

So it’s our duty as parents to never put our children in the direct or indirect fire of toxic statements or insinuations against our ex. Children love both their parents, and deep within hate negative expressed towards a parent– even when what is spoken of is true!

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How taking “ownership” of a child hurts them

Posted on 14. Sep, 2008 by admin.

All parents feel a bond to their child. But a good percentage of parents take this bond to a new level, approaching ownership. They feel like that child belongs to them, while the ex is relegated to a legally-obligated role in the child’s life.

This is indicative of a very needy parent, for starters. A strong person, after all, would want their child to have both a mother and father bond.

But these parents take the role of dictator in the child’s life, wishing their ex would simply wither up and go away. They would much rather “own” their child and have the ex never appear again in the child’s life, than share the responsibilities of raising the child.

It’s amazing how a parent can put their own needs in front of their children’s. But it happens all the time. These power-obsessed, bitter, emotionally immature parents don’t care what damage they do to their children’s psyche. They don’t even think they’re doing anything harmful, they’re so wrapped up in their emotions.

How to cope with such “ownership”-inclined parents? See your kid(s) as often as possible. Use the courts if necessary to attempt at custody (sometimes this is the only way to get the brainwashing to subside– but even that is optimistic).

Above all, use your actions to convey your love to your children. There is a good chance that your efforts will be rewarded at some point down the line. In fact, a very good chance…

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When your son is suddenly sick before visitation

Posted on 14. Sep, 2008 by admin.

Multiple times before visitation, my son’s mother has said that Charlie’s sick. It wasn’t a “be forewarned, he’s sick. He’ll need XYZ medicine, etc.” Rather, it was a simple, “He’s sick.” End of story.

At the time I just thought whatever, she’s just letting me know he’s not feeling well. Oh well, we’ll get through it.

Only later after lots of research on the topic of brainwashing of children did I realize that this is a commonly used tactic by ex’s who don’t want your son or daughter around you.

Your only solution is to do what I did, tell them thanks for the update, and reconfirm the pickup time. If your ex suggests no visitation because of the illness, politely inform them that you will take care of the child (and are open to medical solution suggestions), and that to deny visitation would raise the matter to a new level.

Sidebar: Keep in mind you’ll have to judge the entire situation: If the child is indeed quite sick, would you want them to be around your healthy house? A good technique is to speak to your child and gauge the extent of their illness over the phone.

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A brainwashed child’s vocabulary

Posted on 14. Sep, 2008 by admin.

A brainwashed child’s vocabulary is often quite remarkable. You’ll hear an 8 year old say words like “concerned”– as in, just today my son, 8, told me he’s “concerned” when asked why he wants to know when our next visitation date is (it was the first time he’s ever asked about upcoming visits).

90% of the time Charlie says anything weird about me or my family, or expresses angst (the brainwashing in the background at work), he uses adult language. It’s a dead giveaway to the thoughts not being his own.

So when you suspect your son or daughter is being brainwashed by the ex, you’ll get confirmation many times by the vocabulary he or she uses.

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Son says "concerned" about upcoming visitation

Posted on 14. Sep, 2008 by admin.

Charlie is 8 years old, and today I had a weird conversation with him on the phone. He asked me when I’m coming to pick him up next. I told him I don’t know yet, my flight schedule isn’t out yet. But that I will know in 2 weeks.

I then asked “Why, Charlie?”

“Because I’m concerned.”

I said, “Concerned about what?”

“Um, because you’re going to take me away from my family.”

“Charlie, you know we’re going to have a blast as usual when I come and pick you up, do you not a great time usually with me and the kids?”

“Um, not really.”

Mind you, he has a fun time around me and my family. I take pictures and videos to document this for the upcoming trial. It’s very difficult to hear your son become distant from you and even say that he doesn’t enjoy being around you. You know it’s his mother’s programming, but it still hurts.

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Brainwashing Tool #1: Ankle-biting from your ex– constantly

Posted on 24. Jun, 2008 by admin.

One commonway that an angry ex tries to align your child against you is to ankle-bite every thing you do in front of the child.

You showed up 5 minutes late to his soccer game, and your kid hears “See, if your Dad really gave a damn about you he’d be 5 minutes EARLY.”

Other examples include,

“Your mother usually calls you on Fridays, right? Well, what does that say about how much he loves you since he didn’t call you today? It is Friday, you know.”

“Your father didn’t take you to the movie today? He said he would last week, now, didn’t he? Would you say that’s lying if you tell somebody you’re going to do something, and you don’t do it?”

“See, if your mother loved you she would be so strict with going to bed at a certain time every night. See how easy-going I am? It’s because I love you so much.”

And on, and on, and on.

The fact is, in this parent’s eyes you can do nothing right. Every little slip-up, real or perceived, every single thing you do is under the microscope. Unfortunately for your kid, he or she has to hear this steady drum beat of negativity.

It’s another reason for you to simple stop– today– caring about what the other parent thinks of you. Trying with good efforts and nice gestures to get them to change their opinion of you, even slowly, rarely work.

Simply “do the right things” as a parent week in and week out, and keep a close relationship your kid. You can’t control what the ex says about you*, but you can control how you act, both around your ex and around your kid.

*But always be prepared to fight it in the courts, where you must hold these brainwashing parents accountable.

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