Archive for 'Exposing the methods'
How taking “ownership” of a child hurts them
Posted on 14. Sep, 2008 by admin.
All parents feel a bond to their child. But a good percentage of parents take this bond to a new level, approaching ownership. They feel like that child belongs to them, while the ex is relegated to a legally-obligated role in the child’s life.
This is indicative of a very needy parent, for starters. A strong person, after all, would want their child to have both a mother and father bond.
But these parents take the role of dictator in the child’s life, wishing their ex would simply wither up and go away. They would much rather “own” their child and have the ex never appear again in the child’s life, than share the responsibilities of raising the child.
It’s amazing how a parent can put their own needs in front of their children’s. But it happens all the time. These power-obsessed, bitter, emotionally immature parents don’t care what damage they do to their children’s psyche. They don’t even think they’re doing anything harmful, they’re so wrapped up in their emotions.
How to cope with such “ownership”-inclined parents? See your kid(s) as often as possible. Use the courts if necessary to attempt at custody (sometimes this is the only way to get the brainwashing to subside– but even that is optimistic).
Above all, use your actions to convey your love to your children. There is a good chance that your efforts will be rewarded at some point down the line. In fact, a very good chance…
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Brainwashing Tool #1: Ankle-biting from your ex– constantly
Posted on 24. Jun, 2008 by admin.
One commonway that an angry ex tries to align your child against you is to ankle-bite every thing you do in front of the child.
You showed up 5 minutes late to his soccer game, and your kid hears “See, if your Dad really gave a damn about you he’d be 5 minutes EARLY.”
Other examples include,
“Your mother usually calls you on Fridays, right? Well, what does that say about how much he loves you since he didn’t call you today? It is Friday, you know.”
“Your father didn’t take you to the movie today? He said he would last week, now, didn’t he? Would you say that’s lying if you tell somebody you’re going to do something, and you don’t do it?”
“See, if your mother loved you she would be so strict with going to bed at a certain time every night. See how easy-going I am? It’s because I love you so much.”
And on, and on, and on.
The fact is, in this parent’s eyes you can do nothing right. Every little slip-up, real or perceived, every single thing you do is under the microscope. Unfortunately for your kid, he or she has to hear this steady drum beat of negativity.
It’s another reason for you to simple stop– today– caring about what the other parent thinks of you. Trying with good efforts and nice gestures to get them to change their opinion of you, even slowly, rarely work.
Simply “do the right things” as a parent week in and week out, and keep a close relationship your kid. You can’t control what the ex says about you*, but you can control how you act, both around your ex and around your kid.
*But always be prepared to fight it in the courts, where you must hold these brainwashing parents accountable.
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