Destroying Dad’s Dignity

Thousands of fathers across America right now are viewed by their children in a disdainful, disrespecting way, brought about by badmouthing and brainwashing.

Even a father who is in jail and has done horrible things does not deserve a verbal attack. Adults can comment all they want on him, but when it comes to the kids, children should never have to encounter an adult who destroys their father’s dignity, even if that father is in jail.

The importance of a father and a mother to children is unrivaled. As such, no ex-wife, mother-in-law, or anybody else should trash the father in front of that father’s own children. Yet that’s what’s happening across America every day. Divorce and children born out of wedlock have caused many mothers to take out their hurt and anger on the “flawed” father by directly enrolling the children in their contempt and hatred.

The direct route for these bad parents to ease their hurt is to destroy Dad’s dignity. It ranges from saying how Daddy never loved Mommy, and doesn’t love the child either, to falsely accusing him of rape, physical abuse, or molestation. The most common way of lessening Daddy’s worth is by addressing him by his first name, and teaching the child to do the same. So Daddy becomes identified by his first name, “David.” Teaching a child to stop calling his Dad, “Dad,” is destructive beyond measure.

The goal is to impugn Dad’s worth as a father and as a human being. If the child is young enough, a parent can successfully diminish in the child’s eyes his or her own Daddy.

Any attempt to destroy a child’s connection to a parent should be punishable by law. But because it’s hard to prove, this kind of child abuse is enacted on children everywhere with virtually zero consequences for the abusive parent.

Destroying Dad’s dignity— or manufacturing a lie to a child that their father is not worthy of their love and affection– happens far too often. The best action for fathers at the receiving end of this is to stay the course. Stay in your child’s life. Keep the phone calls, emails, and texts coming. Document, document, and document again the abuse, and contact a lawyer if you have evidence of your ex mentally abusing your child.

Never give up!

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About John

John Thomas Steinbeck is a parental alienation consultant. He and his son's relationship was under attack in a deplorable campaign of parental alienation. In this blog, John shares his insights, techniques, and tools in combating emotional child abuse. He did it-- today his son's love has been restored-- and you can too!
  • Joe

    I was accused of hitting my daughter and threatening to kill her. It was all a lie to take my daughter from me by her mother. It was proven in court that this was a lie. The judge talked to my then 12yo daughter and said she was lying. The child shrink (worthless people) said the ex wife was using parental alienation, but not in a vindictive manner and recommended that my 12yo make the choice of seeing me or not. Well it isnt rocket science, you have a mom who lied to take the kid away and now you give her full control and expect things to get better. This was 5 years ago. As you may have guessed I no longer see my daughter. She never calls or visits. She is indiffenent to me. I and my family do not exist for her. I miss her very much. I go to her job and visit with her for 5 minutes just to say hello, ask about school, work and such. I text her every week just to say I love you. But I get nothing in return. I am not sure how much longer I can keep doing this.

  • Mike McD

    I feel for you Joe. My last phone conversation with my daughter was 5 years ago. She was 15. She called to yell me the reason she was calling was she was legally obligated to do so. Things like that don’t come from the mouths of children. They are from the vindictive parent who has effectually conducted a parent alienation plan for many years. She’s turning 21 this December and is slowly seeing what her mother was doing. Especially since she spent most of the child support money so She could attend LAW SCHOOL. That’s right, she used to law to become a part of the problem.

  • Kit

    My daughter just turned 9 last sep. in 2010 my exwife used a lie about taking my child on vacation to manipulate my daughter into saying that i had slapped her across the face, they never went on any vacation but i did loose all my visitation which at the time was every other weekend from fri.-tue. i have been in supervised visits since the iddle of march this year. since this all transpired i have 2 psyc. and the woman who suppervise us saying that the mother is bad mouthing me to my child and has been for the last 3 years, all i have ever wanted was for her motherr to stop this action and love our child the way any child deserves to be loved but im at an impass with things here in kansas and the welfair of my child is diminishing in her mothers house i feel badly for my daughter but my hands are tied by the courts and they are reluctant to do anything about it.

  • Those stories are heartbreaking. You cant trust the authorities as most of them are taken in by the women. They believe their stories and then when they discover they were all lies ,the damage has been done to your child by the brainwashing mother. In Ireland the courts are quite fair and can see through their lies, however if the mother doesn’t show up to court, it is another month to get her back. I had a bench warrant executed on my ex to get her to come to court to answer breach of access orders. There is also production of children orders where the abducting mother has to produce the child in court. We have to get the law changed where a woman or man who denies access can be arrested immediately. Its the only way to stop these deranged control freaks. The damage they are doing to the next generation.

  • David A

    Here is a video of my experience with spousal abuse and parental alienation. I was married to someone who I knew had a high-conflict personality, but I was completely blindsided by what happened during our divorce. I hope others will learn from my experience and will take measures to protect their children before it’s too late. Any feedback is appreciated. Thanks.

    Warning, strong language.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RJDsruc-xxg

  • RnBram

    David A, public viewing of your video is blocked as “private”.

  • mybrokenheart

    It is disgusting what the court system and these type of parents do to our system….My son thinks he rules the world…He has been brainwashed for years and years against me, slowly and slowly without me realizing it. After he was remarried, he stopped paying child support, talked so bad about me and 3 years in the court system he is 14 and finally able to make a decision to where he wants to go…Dads? This is a child who could not wait till he was 16 so he could never see him again. I always told him “don’t talk like that, he’s your father, he loves you he just shows you in different ways”….How they let TEENAGERS, who are so moody, make decisions (unless it was an abusive home or a parent is on drugs or something) is something I keep pounding my head about. I am sad and heartbroken and sick at how the courts failed me. Believe me, there is NO more to this story than what is stated. He took me for a downward mod, after not paying ME for a year and a half and three years later filed for custody and may get my son based on my son saying he wants to live there..Unbelievable!

  • Adrian

    Don’t worry guys this happens in Australia as well, I have not seen either of my children in over 4 weeks after their mother alleged that I had sexually assaulted my 3 year old daughter. Needless to say this was yet another false allegation.

    I used to wonder why Dad’s do really bad things after a divorce or separation, now I know why. Men have no power and the Courts will never help us.

  • Gary

    How do you fight this and WIN!!! My ex has absolutely destroyed my relationship with my two children. The courts allowed my children the right to decide if they wish to come or not. They were not even teenagers……
    I have been so kicked around by the courts, it is sickening!!!!

    She was able to get a TPO on me with absolutely nothing in my background(arrests or incidents) to give the judge any indication I was a threat other than that I own 2 firearms.
    I am so disgusted with the family law system. I know without a doubt I have a severe case of “Parental Alienation” but these lazy judges are difficult to motivate. They think every man that walks into the courtroom is guilty of some misconduct in the relationship which just is not true.
    How do you fight????? I can’t lose my children…….

  • Ross

    Joe, I feel that I too will be following that same devastating path if I can’t do something about it as I am about to go through divorce, my 10 yo boy is very close to me, and we both love each other immensely, no amount of brainwashing on him will work, he is smart and sees straight through her, he tells me of the things she does and says about me to other people, all her plans of how she is going to “Destroy” me during the Divorce and so forth, he comes and tells me everything. She has in a way given up on him as we have something special and she is getting nowhere from her brainwashing antics.

    However, my daughter is 4, she and I too have a special bond, but not as strong yet as she is young, spends most of her time with mum as she takes her everywhere with her, she used to love coming with me and my son on the boat, to the beach, fishing, camping, visiting friends and so forth, but when she hears that I have plans to do something with the kids, she gets up early and takes off with my daughter so I can’t spend the day with her and its usually just my son and I that spend the day together.

    She is basically trying to minimize the time I spend doing those fun things with my daughter as she is jealous of the bond I have with our son. Just so wrong, basically she hates me being super dad and the kids being all over me all the time.

    Over the last few months I see the dirty work of her mother coming out in her, she tells me she hates the boat, hates the beach, hates camping, hates my friends and hates my family, she should not even know of the word hate, but her mother is such a hateful person that dislikes all the things I do and is brainwashing my precious innocent daughter to hate all these things because she does. It’s a form of child abuse, a serious form of child abuse.

    I asked her, but darling you always loved the boat and fishing, you love going on adventures with dad, why do you hate it now?

    She replies, because Mummy hates it and I want to copy her!

    All the things I do with my children are natural and fun, most kids would love doing the things I get up to with my kids, I am a very outgoing and adventurist man and It was the way that I live my life that developed such a strong bond with my son. It kills me that when I am not around or at work, she is at work enforcing hatred into my children’s heads, degrading me, slagging me and making me out to be a bad person, I have never done such a thing and it scares me to think how she can pollute my daughters mind when we separate in the following few weeks.

    It should be recognized as a crime and these nasty bitches should be prosecuted for it!

  • travis smith

    My daughter lived with me for the first 3 years of her life, I had went to jail and her mother came and took her from my wife and moved out of state. I am now being accused of molesting her and I have not been able to see. Or talk to her for over a year.BM won’t tell cps of these allagations she just puts it all over the internet and spreads all these lies about me. She tells my daughter I am a looser because I went to jail and that I don’t. Want to be a dad. BM tells her to call her new boyfriend dad. Me and my wife are currently begining the fight for custody…..I just hope it is not to late!!!

  • Brittney

    Well im sure theres a reason for your child not talking to you any more. If there’s truly not then they will resent the mother for “brainwashing” them when their old enough to figure it out. I havent talked to my “dad” in a year and I never will again. He’s a lowlife who abused my mom and me for years. As far as I’m concerned if the mom dosnt want her child around you its for a damn good reason. And really you guys went to jail and you think you have a right to see that child. Fuck that, you dont deserve that child.

  • dee

    Brittney, You may have a good reason to reject YOUR father, but don’t be too judgemental of someone who has spent time in jail. As you grow up, you will see that people make mistakes, and hopefully they learn from them. Should they lose their parental rights because they make mistakes? Possibly, if that mistake was abusive to their child, but many times people end up in jail for other reasons. You will hopefully mature and realize that carrying arounf the hate and anger will negatively affect you having a healthy relationship with a man someday. You need to learn to forgive, for yourself.
    There are many good Dads out there that are being punished by the mother of their children for various reasons. Many times it is a woman who has been rejected by the father of her child, and the “payback” is to brainwash the child to hate him. You see how this anger continues, from generation to generation? Is it fair to the dad to not see his child simply because she has a problem with the fact he is not in love with her anymore, and has moved on? Should he pay for this with having visitation withheld, or lies spoken about him?

  • admin

    Brittney,

    Unless a father has committed a violent act against his child, and he’s in jail for that, he should have every right to see his offspring. Does a woman who is jailed for killing a person for whatever reason deserve to never see her kids again? Each circumstance demands evaluation, but I feel you’re too quick to pull the trigger on denying a father his kids.

  • Mike

    I’m here at this site and wishing I wasn’t. A week ago my mother-in-law made up something and yelled at me for it in front of my son, age 4. This was way out of line and unfortunately not many options exist for getting my narcissistic mother-in-law to recognize she has a problem. My wife and I tried speaking with my mother-in-law about her abusive tirade and the potential harm this has. She didn’t flex – convinced still I was at fault (for nothing) and DESERVING of her wrath. Mother-in-law just can’t get it that even if what she imagined I did had occurred, she should have picked a different place and time when my son wasn’t present to address it privately with me. Mother-in-law clings to the belief that emotionally violent narcissistic rage is entirely appropriate because that’s just the way she is. On the advice of professional help, my wife and I are no longer letting my son stay at my mother-in-law’s while we’re at work and he’s not in preschool. It’s a drastic step and I feel badly since my son does deserve to have some kind of relationship with his grandparents, and he does miss them. That relationship is on hold until I at least get minimal respect as a Dad, my wife and I know that, she gets marginally more respect than I do. Does anyone have any experience or recommendations for dealing with a mother-in-law who’s narcissistic and how to establish new boundaries? What do I tell my son when he asks why he can’t see them?

  • Mike

    Mike, good luck to you, It will probably be a matter of time, before your wife does the same. Get prepared!!

  • shane kaider

    my mother has been doing exactly what you said and I am caught in the middle of it. It is depressing as hell. this site was a big help. thanks

  • Ashley

    It is completley sad to see fathers who have to deal and dealt with the drama of the abuse some mothers are doing to their own children. I’m a mother of 2 but technically of 3 when I and my husband see his daughter. She just turned 6 this passing jan of 2012. Which was the last time my husband seen his daughter. A few months prior to her bday his Ex decided to not even call or text to his last coming visit. She said his child didn’t want to come see him. So she left it at that. So christmas came and most family assumed we weren’t gona see her again. Until having got a text before christmas Eve saying we can have her. So then she changed her mind and my husband had her a few more days til newyears. The exact last day he saw her. Now its going on 4 1/2 months he hasn’t been allowed to see his kid. Until one day a Monday my husband had got off work around 6 or 7 and we had to go food shopping and so my husband came home to pick me and the girls up. We were on our way out and my husband decided right then bc on his way to pick us up, he had sent a text telling her he wanted to see his kid. So here we were on our way over and my husband went up to the front door my husband knocked on the door. His ex opend the door and quickly slammed it in his face. So then her husband came out talking to my husband and my husband saw his child looking through the window at him. For a sec then his ex screamed get upstairs. She of course invovled police and we had to leave bc there wasn’t anything he could do. My hubby doesn’t have visitation rights and what’s worse about the whole thing she has been accusing my husband of L mentally Abusing his kid. Which is completly messed up bc he only sees 2 days a week and according to the info I’ve read of Mental Abuse is brainwashing the child and telling them that there daddy or mommy doesn’t love them etc. A lot of what I’ve read his ex is doing to his kid. Her Health alone is a scare for me. His ex doesn’t clean. I know this bc I’ve actually had to clean her house at one point. Another is she doesn’t bathe his kid but rarely bc his ex thinks that will prevent lice if her hair isn’t cleaned much. It breaks may heart that his daughter told me she liked seeing her dad and sisters she has here. What’s sad we can’t financally afford a lawyer to try to get his rights. His ex told him he has to take her to court in order to see his kid. His ex says that the school his child goes to and the counselor there says its best his kid doesn’t see him. Unreal?

  • Trish

    Just a note to you all, not only fathers are the afflicted and rejected. My ex husband stole my then, 3 year old daughter from me and filed for custody behind my back 1 week after we spent the holidays together. I won’t go into the nasty details, but he has lied on every occassion and swears that I picked living out of state over having my child…..not true. I chose the state I live in due to the family support I have here along with the job opportunity that bettered me financially as I do have another child to support.
    My ex husband invited a woman to live with him and my then 5 year old daughter…….she was to call this woman Mommy, and they constantly talked badly about me almost daily. Mind you, I am 1100 miles away from my daughter and therefore, I cannot get in their way of anything. However, I was the crazy person who accused his girlfriend of calling me all hours of the night and day, at work, at home, at my parent’s just to start a fight, or threaten me physically. Even the police deemed it my fault and said I was just causing a problem for reporting the phone abuse.
    For years, my daughter was the center of arguements between the two lovebirds, because she was MY daughter, and the woman wanted full control and wanted to punish my daughter for every mistake she made. She believed in physical punishment and would in fact hit my daughter or slap her in the face………….I couldn’t prove it because my daughter was made to lie to me out of fear she’d get it worse for telling. I knew what was going on, a mother, a good mother, knows her children and I had to deal with this and try to get my daughter to tell the truth for 5 years. You be the judge, when the woman went on a rampage, she hit my ex husband and threatened my daughter, and they would leave and go to his mother’s home until this woman cooled down enough for them to return home……..this is NOT a loving or caring home.
    They went on vacations without my daughter, and on one occassion, they lied and told my daughter and her half brother from a previous marriage that they were married, but when pressed, no one got a real answer. His family backed all of this up.
    I went to his holier than thou mother and told her what this woman was doing to my daughter, and again, she backed them up, and once again, I was the crazy person. My daughter finally overheard an arguement between the lovebirds, over her, and the woman threatened she was going to kill my daughter and there wasn’t anything he could do to stop it………….My baby girl was 11 years old.
    She hadn’t spoken to me in a week at that time, and I was seriously concerned and worried, and knew something was going to happen to her. Mother’s instinct.
    I called her school, and they refused to give me information until I started screaming, “I know that woman is going to do something to hurt my daughter, I can feel it, she will kill her if given the chance” I was then told, “Your daughter is safe, we cannot tell you what happened, but she is with her grandmother”
    NJ DYFS had been called by the school after my daughter reported it and the woman is now out of their lives.
    My daughter has had nothing but traumatic drama in her life and I have been removed from her life due to my ex, his family, and the courts since they never listened to me or bothered to read the paperwork. (Just because I live out of state, I don’t deserve fairness in their eyes).
    My daughter is now 14, ignored for the most part, her father has a new girlfriend out of state and he continues his pattern of paying attention to his girlfriend. He believes women should be below a man and should never have an opinion of their own. Yet, he’s dragging a 14 year old girl up. My daughter looks for love wherever she can get it, and has been cutting herself, having sex, and has been out with crowds just hanging around.
    There is nothing I can do but sit back and watch. Somehow, when all is said and done, it will all be my fault, like when she gets pregnant.
    So, Dad’s, I understand exactly where you are coming from. An FYI, my son, who is now 20 was raised solely by me. I never badmouthed his dad and encouraged a relationship between the two. My son was rewarded by his dad telling him at 11 years old that he wanted nothing to do with him and to F Off! He also cut off my son’s insurance and refused to give us a card for the new insurance……..which is wrong, and according to law, he is supposed to keep my son on his ins until he is 26, but again, the law only works on those in the state.
    Thanks for listening to my rant and understanding that not all of us mother’s deserve negative thoughts.

  • Terry Hendrickson

    Sadly, brainwashing is a major strategy in the bitches playbook. I haven’t seen my 17 yo daughter for 2+ years. She won’t answer calls or text and her mother tells me she won’t allow me to “ever abuse her again” and that I’ve “thrown her away”. My 11 yo daughter developed chronic headaches last winter and missed almost two months of school. The reason is that she was psychologically conflicted between what her brainwasher-mom wanted (vengeance) and her love for me. Guess what? The brainwasher got her way. I am no longer allowed parenting time with either daughter since my girls are so completely afraid of the bitch tyrant they live with that they truly believe they hate me. So what to do now? Sure, I can go to court…time, money, pain, hurt, anger and a slim possibility of being allowed to be a loving father to my kids. And that’s just the upside! How the family court system can turn a blind eye toward such blatant child abuse is beyond me. There is no hope for our society with such sickness as a substitute for justice.

  • Aldo

    I’ve read all your stories. Mine is just as bad. I’ve lost my only child, my lovely daughter to her sick mothers brainwashing tactics. We had a loving history I saw her as much as I could and always tried to do what was best for her. I found out way too late what was happening to put up a defense. I fell into one devious trap after another. It’s hard to see those traps laid by such a devious mind. I mean I was just trying to give my daughter, and myself for that matter, as normal a life as I could. It wasn’t her fault her mother and I weren’t together anymore. After she was born, every move I made, everything I did in my career was geared towards being able to her her dad. That was number one. I could fill a book but I’ll cut to the chase. Now I’ve missed her entire high school years. My daughter has completely rejected me my entire side of the family and refuses to respond to any and all attempts to reach out to her, no matter how loving. She desperately needed me to be there in her life. I tried the court system. What a pathetic joke that is, at least in my case. I spent myself into the ground with lawyer and judge appointed counseling fees. Any minor breakthrough was easily snuffed out by the custodial mother in between sessions. She used a deep well of brainwashing tactics, outright lying, repeating a lie so often it becomes accepted fact, rewriting history, misquotes, using others to spy, classic transference, the list goes on. It’s all she really does, it’s her one true talent. I won’t go on and on, it’s pretty much the common story that’s going on all over the western world now. Fathers, and men have little to no parental rights left in the eyes of the law (on paper, yes but in reality, a resounding NO) and all the state really cares about is that we keep working and sending checks. It’s a form of slavery. We’re nothing more than a pocket of money to the state which has a complete bias towards mothers. Try to be a good father, give your life to it and you’re simply invisible. Let’s face it since it’s mothers that have an overwhelming majority of custodial control of the children, that they also are overwhelmingly guilty of brainwashing the children. Men do it too, but a much smaller percentage as a whole. Mothers do it to punish their ex’s for real or perceived transgressions. They do it because they can, the law will rarely lift a finger to stop it much less even acknowledge it. The courts are rife with female biased, politically correct, party appointed hacks that have no business being on the bench in family court. Once they’re there it’s next to impossible to unseat them, as long as they have the “party” support at election time. She wanted to destroy my life. She had one and only one weapon to that. It was our child that I loved with all my heart and soul that was her weapon. That innocent angel was her weapon. They use the law and the courts as a weapon (that’s easy because noncustodial parents have very few rights and even when those are infringed upon there’s usually no punishment), they use the child’s own love as a weapon. And the “law” doesn’t give a crap. They just want the money. Well in the end the courts were impotent. She did destroy my life though. I live a tortured life. I’ll try to salvage whatever I can and try to find hope again. Losing a child this way might even be harder than losing them to death. There’s no closure, there’s no moving on. You live in a tragic limbo, waiting, hoping for them to return. It’s more like they were violently kidnapped. My daughter has been damaged perhaps deeply, perhaps for life. As a parent who truly does love her, that’s another stab in the heart. It was an act, a continual series of acts of horrible cruelty by that woman. From what I can tell, I think my ex is feeling pretty good about it all, she’s gotten some gratification from this. I don’t know if she’s really sick, or really evil, or both. I wish and pray she’ll get help for both, but she won’t. It’s the nature of the sickness that she won’t even think she’s done anything wrong. If it pure evil, then there no cure other then divine intervention. I don’t think she’s done with her punishment either. I think she’ll keep it up even after I’m dead and buried to make sure my whole family is eradicated from memory. What is wrong with this country? All the commercials by the Ad Counsel on TV make me want to puke. The government making a big deal about “being a dad” and then doing nothing to help dad’s who are fighting to stay in their children’s lives. It’s the children who are hurt the most. But who cares right? Sho me the money!

  • C. Hardy

    Its frightening to hear these stories which are probably just a fraction of those actually carried out. Add my two sons onto the list of brainwashed children. Among other things they were told they couldn’t say “dad” in their mom’s house per requirement of her boyfriend. I was told later by a child psychologist that I must be so highly regarded by my sons that the boyfriend felt threatened by just the word “dad”. Possibly because he doesn’t have a relationship with his sons and is jealous of me. I was reminded that we don’t control what we don’t fear. He gave me a book: Divorce Poison by Richard Warshak (http://www.warshak.com/divorce-poison/index.html
    that recounts equal stories to ours but how eventually the children came back to the parent. Most importantly it gives ideas on how to counter the “poison” being given but it doesn’t work overnight. If you haven’t found your spiritual walk I suggest starting. It gives a light to a long and dark tunnel.

  • Carolyn Bishop

    I need to know something. My child is being told on a REGULAR basis that the only reason I want to be in his life is to give him drugs and ruin his life. He has also been told to hide all his money from me because I will take it all. These lies are being told because my mom has custody, I THINK, and is VERY ANGRY with me. I am a mother by the way. HELP

    Carolyn Bishop
    972-621-9783

  • misty smith

    hello Carolyn i feel where you are coming from i am a mother as well i havent seen my children in 5 years because of there father. we have been devoriced for almost 10 years he took my children and refused my phone calls and i have no idea where they even live. we have shared custody and i cant do anything but get a lawyer which i have no money to do so. there has to be a way to get a law passed where all of this can be stopped.

  • Reggie

    <<>>

    So, I have a 20 year old pothead son who lives with his mother, and the last conversation we had ended in him telling me, “I’m tired of your bull****! F*** you!”

    My bull****consisted of not allowing him to stay at my house after his mom kicked him out for being high. Even though he said “never mind” earlier in the conversation because she relented. [The last time he stayed with me, he made a bong out of a one gallon container we were using for my 6 and 8 year old stepkids’ koolade.]

    His mom kicks him out regularly and lets him back in just as regularly. My daughter is 19 and pregnant and the baby daddy left the country to go back to Jordan. She’s been arrested before for shoplifting.

    Their “mother” works as a flight nurse and is gone all over the world for about half the month. She’s made my life hell for the 7 years we’ve been ivorced…badmouthing me to the kids and letting them read texts/emails that we sent each other while we were angry and that were related to the kids.

    Oh, and there’s an overly sensitive 13 year old boy — my youngest son — that is subjected to all of this, and they all see me as the bad guy.

    Ex is remarried and divorced [called me two weeks before her and her husband at the time were about to close on a huge house and told me that she wanted me to hear it from her: they were getting a divorce]. They divorced all right, but after they went ahead and closed on the house.

    She has paraded man after man after man through my kids’ life and is clearly unstable [calling the kids at 7 AM or earlier Saturday when they are with me to go clean the house that they evidently didn’t clean good enough].

    It’s always all about the $, though she denies that and says it’s about the kids.

    I go to court Sep. 10th to re-evaluate child support because 7 years ago she didn’t have a job and has since gotten a good paying job. I keep telling her I was told to have a re-eval by someone at the courthouse because I lost my job the end of last year and wanted to cover myself if I was late on a payment.

    She completely freaked out when she got the papers. She is irrational, self righteous and never, EVER holds the kids accountable for their actions.

    This all is just a single grain of sand on the beach of my parental alienation experience.

    Parental alienation is such a terrible thing that I sometimes think, in extreme cases, both the kids and alienated parent may be better off if there is no little to no contact.

    I believe, in many cases, the kids never come around and see the alienation for what it was, even after they become adults and have children…now THAT’S brainwashed.

    Again, I apologize for the rant, but you *were* warned. 🙂

  • Reggie

    LOL
    Actually, you weren’t warned because my warning was stripped out because it was surrounded by “<>”

  • Nicole

    I am was child that had gone through this and it’s been 2 years since I broke free of it. I’m 20 now. My parents had divorced and my mother had my head filled with lies for 9 years, I gave up my paychecks when I got a job believing that we had no money because of my dad and that if he sees my siblings and I, he would kill us. I was even believed that he had raped me…
    When I met my now fiance, my mother didn’t like him. Turns out it was because he had figured everything out. It took me over a year with my fiance’s help to get the courage to contact my dad, we now speak regularly. But what hurts is that my mother, my siblings, and all her side of the family refuses to speak to me. I keep trying. It hurts because family is everything to me, and being shunned that quick for branching out and finding the truth still hurts to this day. I am trying to get a court case against her because some of the things she did I would say is unspeakable on here.

  • Sam

    Hello Dads! I know exactly what you all are talking about! I have taken my sons mother to court on several occassions for Visitation rights and I just recently took her to court to try to keep her from moving an hour away! I only get to see my son every other weekend and 4 weeks during the summer. I tried to get full custody of my son because he had been physically and mentally abused by his mother and her family. His grandmother had burned him with a cigarette twice. His own mother burned him on his back with a curling iron and on his leg with a flat iron. His uncle had jabbed him in the arm with a pair of scissors and had tied a rope around his arm and dragged him around the house leaving burn marks! I published all of this to the courts and told them that she was brainwashing my child into hating me! This past weekend Sept 29 -30, 2012, my son, now 14 going on 15 as of October, came to visit and he told me that he didn’t like me anymore. He told me that his mother had shown him all of the court papers and he didn’t like what I had to say about her. I told him it was the truth and that I had no reason to lie. He said it didn’t matter because nothing I could say or do would change his mind and once he turned of legal age, I would never see him again! She thinks she is hurting me but she is actually hurting our son the most! I don’t feel bad for myself because I know I did everything I could as a father to try to raise him the right way! I hope I did enough for him over the past 15 years to make a difference in his life and to help him become a responsible, productive young man. Stay Strong Father’s! I know and you know that when it comes to the court system, we are behind the 8 ball and have little if any rights at all! Just do the right thing for your children for as long as you are with them!

  • Victoria

    I am a recently new step-mom dealing with my husband’s mentally unstable ex. She and her entire family have attacked me about once every year at court saying I have been abusing their only son. Now nine. I have helped raised this boy since he was about 3. The grandmother has an unhealthy need, not love, but need for her grandson. The mom has brainwashed him against me. There have been several times that she’ll write, call or email my husband about how their son is afraid of me and hates me. This little boy is so loving and has never used the word hate. I have been his mom while his biological mom has been out doing drugs and sleeping around and all while still having her visitations. We are now seeing the brainwashing at its worst. My step-son has come home and called his father by his first name. In a couple of recent letters the mother expresses the fear the child has of living with me and him. Telling him that “they” could continue to raise the child together but if he doesn’t choose that she will literally destroy me. We know that my step-son is confused and has been living this since I stepped into the picture. Ultimately, I am the mother he never had. I love this little boy and it does hurt hearing that he dislikes me. The mother is still on drugs living in a motel and because their attacks on me have put so much uneeded stress on me, I am no longer able to be the primary care taker of this little boy. The court will not do anything until something happens to him. That is the real reality of the court system. They are reactive and not proactive. This lady almost burned an apartment down with her son in it and nothing was done to take away her visitations. Not even after witnesses said she refused to open the door for help. People had to break down the window when they saw her son screaming. It saddens my heart that things have to manifest before anything can be done. And all the while she is making our life miserable and ruining this little boy. I see it all now. Her mother brainwashed her and her siblings into hating their dad’s. None of them have a relationship with the fathers. Now she is doing the same thing with her own son. I just hurt for my husband. He is an amazing dad. He has been by his son since the day he was born. His mother walked out on him, she is extremely self-involved and mentally ill. She didn’t want the baby, my husband was paying her spousal support and once that stopped all the attacks came because whether she admits it or not, she is using her son as a paycheck to feed her drug habbit. Due to all her continued attacks on me, My husband and I finally decided I can no longer have any contact with my step-son, to protect me. I firmly believe that God will be solve this and this little boy will see his mother for the snake she is. I pray for all of you here that God restores all your relationships. Do not lose hope. Keep loving your kids. I am thankful to my mom because although I never grew up with my dad, she never once bad mouthed him. She allowed us to form our own opinions of him. That is why I am able to have a relationship with him now. So a big applause for all the parents who aren’t hateful!! God is good and he will mend the bonds!!

  • FatherWithoutSon

    I cried when I first read this article…. I cry alot these days. My wife did all this too me. I had no idea how bad I was being abused or that it wasn’t normal. I had made so many mistakes. I accepted her humilation and belittlement. She insulted the size of my manhood,refused copulation on the basis that she found me ugly, refused to speak with me but instead spoke often to my family members about the stuff she did not like about me, she dominated me, if I had a feeling, she felt that way twice as hard and long before I did.

    I don’t even dare leave my real name here because my (soon to be) ex is very computer literate. She is what is called a WhiteHat. She never used her knowledge to go after others but she has read my emails and texts back to me on more than one occasion. She has changed up my passwords before and made alterations to accounts of mine. She is currently stalking and messing with me online because she knows most all the websites I belong too, if not all of them. I am reluctanct to post at places because she is watching and waiting, and romminating.

    Currently she is holding my son outside of the nation living with her mum. She has not let me speak to my son in two days, He is 3. He is our first and only. He just started talking really well. I have not had thrity minutes of talking time with him in three weeks. Everytime she talks over us and then hangs up , If she even answers. My son and I can play catch, I have cried almost the whole time writing this. All of it.

    The authorites told me get a lawyer or call the AG… the AG said call the authorites or get a lawyer. I found neither resource usefull. The Lawyers I called told me it was indeed a criminal act , a felony, what she is dong, and that I should inform the authorites or AG, to which I told the lawyer “been there, done both.” six days since she told me I shouldn’t hold out hope. about 72 hours since I last heard my sons voice.

    I have started documenting everything thanks to the advice of this website. I am taking the higher road to the upmost of my ability. I will do all in my power to see that this divorce hurts him as little as possible and I will not ailenate him from his mother in revenge. No seeds of resentment should be sown in his heart.

    I am gonna try to get my son back as soon as possible. I get my passport in a few weeks. I am making my motions to the best of my abilty. I am a wreck stumbling through crisis with one goal in mind, to get my son back here as soon as safely possible. If you have any suggestions or prayers I welcome both.

  • Scott Barlow

    I’m a victim . My ex totally turned my sons against me . They’re now in there 20’s and I will never have them in my life . She’s destroyed us …. nothing has hurt me more in my life time .
    She said and did everything possible to turn them against me . They didn’t get to be who they started out to be … they were good kids . Now they’re negative and generally unhappy . I didn’t get to be the man I would have been either .. this pain runs deep . I used to think when they were old enough that they would figure it a ll out … didn’t happen .

  • James B

    Much of the mental abuse can be traced back to the ‘child support’ system. The system offers one parent money and benefits if they take the child/ren away from the other parent. Any guilt which the custodial parent feels for their acceptance of this family destroying proposition from the government can easily develop into a narrative of abuse/neglect/etc in an effort to justify their past actions and continued receipt of property taken by force from their victim.

  • GTRMN75

    I’m in the thick of it right now. My ex has tried to convinced the kids that Santa won’t visit my house for Christmas.

    Get familiar with Clinical Narcissism, Borderline and Histrionic personality disorders, and Sociopaths. There are a bevy of videos on YouTube with loads of information on identifying and dealing with these disorders. PROTECT YOURSELF!!! They will bleed you dry.