Evidence from afar that your child is being brainwashed against you

When you’re the noncustodial parent, days and weeks go by without you being around your child or children. During this time the custodial parent– your ex– who’s hell-bent on sabotaging your relationship with your child has ample opportunity to do so.

There are some strong signs that appear in most brainwashing households. You can’t be there in person to observe all the things said, the lies told, or the subtle put-downs, so you will have to look elsewhere– to the telephone, cellphone, text messages, and emails.

The openness and normalcy of the electronic communications with your child is in most cases directly related to the level of mental abuse taking place in the other house. Evidence that your child is being coached and lied to include:

  • Your child is flat, monotoned, or sad when he or she gets your phone call
  • Your ex is often heard speaking to your child in the background (and your child will frequently cover up the phone with his or  her hand)
  • Your phone calls or texts are not returned
  • Cellphones you buy for your kid are rarely used to call you, but used routinely by your ex to contact your child when he or she is with you
  • No calls on your birthday or Father’s/Mother’s Day, and rarely or never a card or e-card
  • Your child asks you questions inappropriate for their age
  • Your child is used as a messenger by your ex
  • Your child complains about his or her last visit (usually of trivial things)
  • You rarely get a call, email, or text out of the blue from your child
  • Your child claims out of the blue that “I don’t want to see you”
  • Your child seems unable to echo any “I love you’s”
  • Your child echoes the words of your ex (words a child of that age would never use)
  • Your child refers to you by your first name, either to you directly or at home while away from you
  • Your ex refers to you when speaking to your child in the background by your first name
  • Your child will say “Why haven’t you called me” when in fact you’ve tried
  • You rarely get an acknowledgement of any cards of presents sent

How to fight this? The short answer is to call your child on a regular basis (once a week, twice a week, etc), and stick to it. Also send texts and emails, even super short ones, when you think of your child. If you’ve been unable to get through to speak to him or her, make sure you let them know that you’re excited to finally reach them. If you’ve left a voicemail, ask them “So did you get my voicemail?” That way, if they didn’t (as is likely), they’ll realize that you did reach out to connect with them. Older kids will even figure out on their own that a parent is withholding messages from them.

The big picture, of course, is to get the child into counseling. Even call Child Protective Services if your child’s emotionally wrecked. Make sure you document everything– to include tape recording phone calls (if legal in your state), logging all the times you’ve tried to reach your child, etc.

If your child custody decree doesn’t mention anything about telephonic or electronic access, then consider hiring an attorney who can make a “motion to modify” the decree. Some decrees include specific hours whereby your ex must make your child contactable. That way if your ex doesn’t comply, he or she could face the wrath of a judge.

It’s a very difficult thing to have to suffer through month after month after month, with the only let-off being when  you have possession of your child. But hang in there. Keep a steady flow of calls, emails, and texts to your brainwashed child. One day your child will see the “unhappy” parent for who she is, and your consistent actions at reaching out will be rewarded in 95% of cases.

 

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About John

John T. Steinbeck is a parental alienation consultant. He and his son's relationship was under attack in a deplorable campaign of parental alienation. In this blog, John shares his insights, techniques, and tools in combating emotional child abuse. He did it-- today his son's love has been restored-- and you can too!
  • hrtbrkndaddy

    I am only growing more and more concerned after having read evet article on this site.
    I know that for years my child has been told that I was the bad guy and I have each time just simply reminded my child that I love her and so does her mother.
    Recently though we started custody proceedings, the temporary order gives me less then standard visitation and more time to teardown, manipulate and destroy my child.
    Although I am used to, without me ever asking her, my child telling/asking me, “Why, didn’t you want me when I was born? Well, Mom always has to make you the bad guy. Mom hates you.” I AM TERRIFIED WITH MY EX’S NEW TACTIC, which is my ex, her parents and her other children pounding my child with lie after lie, telling her things that I didn’t say, letting a 12 year old run unsupervised with her older siblings to high school & yes even college parties AND THE WORST ONE IS HER MOTHER HOLDING OUR DAUGHTER’S WANT TO SEE ME and THE PENDING CUSTODY CASE ON HER DEPRESSION and proof of her failure as a mother and if it were not for me doing this to them then she wouldn’t feel so hurt.
    I just had my first visit with my child; she is extremely angry, digusted, sad, hurt, confused & shattered… My heart breaks for her. I just wish there was something I could do to help her and to protect her. Sadly, the Judge who hears these cases is old school, no matter how much proof father’s have, he believes that children always should be placed with the mother.

  • Tanya Smith

    I have to say, it’s NOT ALWAYS the custodial parent that’s at fault. I have primary physical custody and joint legal custody of my daughter. Her dad and step-mother, whom she sees every other weekend and then some (b/c I try to work with him and make sure he can see her b/c I couldn’t imagine not seeing her oftem) They are always bad mouthing me to her and telling her lies like I love my other children more (she even hates her 3 year old brother now b/c of them) and they tell her to disobey my husband. The step-mother is always stepping on my toes and trying to be her mother and her father is always cussing at me or calling me horrible names when things don’t work out his way. I think, no matter who’s at fault or guilty of brainwashing the child needs to stop. It’s the child that it’s damaging most!!! Oh,and I am not the cliche custodial parent who, as the beginning of your article says, is “hell bent on sabotaging the relationship”. That’s horrible to assume all custodial parents are like that. Most times, it’s in the hands of a jugde to decide who the child’s best interest is with…. I work darn hard to make sure things are fair for my daughters father, even though they do this garbage to me….

  • David A

    Fantastic advice. Thanks for posting this.

  • HRTBRKN Big Sister

    my mothers ex husband has primary placement of my 3 siblings and my mom only has them every other weekend and their father and his girlfriend do everything in their power to mess with my moms relationship with the kids. they have already completely brainwashed one of my brothers and are working on the youngest. the oldest sees the error of his fathers ways and b/c of that they treat him like crap. the only reason he even has placement is because we live in a very very small town and he who has the money wins and their fathers girlfriend has money. it doesnt seem to matter what my mom does or how hard she fights things are just getting worse and worse all the time. she calls and texts and everything and nothing helps and she doesnt have the resources available to fight him anymore….. we just are at a loss for what to do anymore

  • Wit’s end

    I am in the middle of it right now. My sons live on Hawaii with their mother and two brothers, both from different fathers. Their mother has for years found any way or loophole she could to blockade interaction between me and my sons except when they wanted to see me. We had a standing visitation order and rules for telephone contact, about a year and a half ago she cut me off completely. I went to Hawaii after about 7 months of that just to put my eyes on the children to make sure they were ok. It is 11 months since that visit and I just got custody, because the judge decided that her behavior had gone on long enough. Now their big brother claims that they do not want to live with me, though I have not talked about it with them yet as I only got their mother’s cell phone number yesterday. Her latest “baby daddy” let me know that my two sons had come to him independently, crying and telling him that they wanted to come live with me. There is actually way more to this tale than I am telling.
    as in she is pregnant again, by yet another man who has already figured out that she has serious mental issues.
    I am about as dejected as I can possibly be, my wife and I are separated, and in no small part due to my Ex.
    Was getting ready to go scoop them up, but knowing there will be resistance from them is heartbreaking and I am almost depleted emotionally. Can you recommend a course of action in addition to reading the book listed above?

    I am on my own here.

  • kalamatai

    Im dealing with it as well. I am the custodial parent of a five year old child. My ex and his wife have kidnapped my daughter two times in two years and have falsely accused her three older brothers of molestation to justify the kidnappings. My child is punished for referring to me as “mama”. But I continue to be nice to them anyway and always follow the court order put in place. It breaks my heart every time my child begs me not to send her to her dad’s and yet all I can say is that the judge says I have to.

  • Helen

    I’m in the same boat. My son’s dad won custody of him in some miraculous way, and after two years of brainwashing, has finally succeeded in making my son hate me.
    It’s beyond heartbreaking.
    Does anyone have any success stories of brainwashed children who have come out ok as adults?
    Thanks.
    Good luck to all of you, my heart goes out to you all.

  • Name (required)

    My Step son is 12 and his mom has been working on him his entire life. She does not follow the agreement, and the last time my husband went to pick up his son, he was met by the Grandfather’s fist. My step son wants nothing to do with us and when I tried to call him after months of not speaking, he would not talk at all. It breaks my hart the she is getting away with this and that he wants nothing to do with us. It was been ten years of hell with her, and all we can hope is that someday he realizes that he never had to “choose” My husband and I have a 6 year old and he is our main focus. It come down to hearts and minds, and my step son is old enough to tell the courts where he wants to be. It’s really hard to be rejected when you KNOW you are a good person, and a good parrent and you don’t deserve it.

  • justin

    going through the exact same thing and after 11 years of fighting I have today called it a day. I have all the court orders you can get (and have paid grands for them and am grands in debt for them)but am finding out once a child is brainwashed there is very very little u can do

  • helpless

    Well this blog doesn’t come with any shock. My husband and i have been in a custody battle for over 3 years now. His ex has had two lawyers and both have bailed on her. Our attorney now acts for both of us ….if that makes any sense. We have been over paying in daycare for over 7 years. $224. per month to be exact. We are emotionally and financially spent. We haven’t seen his daughter in 4 months and have no future date in mind. His ex decided to pull out all the cards and accuse him of sexual abuse and physical abuse. Included but not limited to verbal abuse on her as well. How do you fight a women or person who is out for blood? She wants the meal ticket payday and claims to want her daughter to have a relationship with her dad but when it comes to the brass tax…..oh no. Court gets continued due to lack of this or that……Judge is out to get us i guess. All the alligations made by her have been unfounded and dismissed as far as DCFS is concerned. But as far as the judge is concerned we aren’t able to see her still. Even after his daughter says she wants to come over and visit. Now what child do you know, if being abused, wants to visit with that parent? none that i know of. She’s a wonderful girl…has many issues now that have developed over the last few months…ironically the months that we haven’t been able to see her. It’s Christmas this weekend and we won’t even be able to see her. We are going to a therapist and are working hard to keep her head clear of any and all brainwashing/manipulating games her mom plays with her. If i had more time i’d write all night. I’m sure there are other parents out there that have it worse then us but it’s so blastin hard to face the judges judgement knowing he’s wrong. If only his eyes were to be opened and he could see what my step daughters mother is actually doing to her. Thanks for reading and good luck to all of you searching for answers.

  • frustrated mom

    wit’s end id like to talk to you if possible, Hawaii issue going on 2 years… still in court

  • stay positive

    Wit’s end- go get them. they need to know the truth and they need to know you care. she cant handle anymore and bit off way more than she can chew. counseling and lots of time with your kids, they will get through this or they will have to live like that forever and never know how t get the help they need. When i say they need to know the truth, its the truth about you. they will figure out things on their own in regards to their mom but let them make their own opinions. As much as it may have hurt you in the past and as easy as it may seem to become like your ex, don’t do it. it proves nothing and improves nothing.

  • Dedre

    I found this site after my own years of this hardship. My daughter just turned 18, she moved out at 13. Very long story-I think about her every hour of my life, at one time we were very close now everone in my family is blocked out of her life- even my younger children. I’ve tried everything, I no longer call it’s too hard having to deal with her Father and step Mother or the phone being picked up then hung up….I do however still drop things off at her school every now and then. I’ve gone through so many mixed emotions from hurt to anger to confusion… I can’t understand to this day how two people so close are now so far apart yet living in the same town…. Than you all for leaving your own comments and experiences- and this site is dead on the warning signs…. When her father dicided at her age of 11 to show up out of nowhere- I knew something wasn’t right- yet with lies and all of the above- I was the one left in court looking like the bad guy…. I’m heartbroken to this day and will forever be….

  • Jesica

    MY husbands daughter is 4 years old and he has joint custody and everytime we see her in publec her mother tells her she is not allowed to talk to us and when we get her back she tells us she is told that daddy doesn’t love her or daddy hates her. I don;t get how you do this to your child and how the courts seem to look the other way on it…it is emotional/mental abuse…when we called CAS they do home visits with his x now and yet she continues to tell his daughter he hates her does not love her and tells her she is not allowed to say hi to her daddy when she sees him in public.

  • Melissa

    My ex is a very abusive person and still after DFS being called on him twice now with no action taken he is working even harder at getting my boys to hate me. I have 2 older childeren and 1 younger that live with me. and they all love the their brothers and miss them when they are with their dad but the boys are now becoming extreemly mean and hateful to all of us. My ex and his g/f tell my boys ” your moms a whore” btw they are 10 and 5. They tell them I cheated on my ex, when in fact he cheated on me. My ex wont let me talk to them when they are with him and he bribes them by buying them stuff and telling them I can’t support them and ect. I”m still going through the divorce process and its been almost 2 years. idk how much more they and my other 3 and myself can handle. Seems to me no one is listening to me. I had an exparte on him but my lawyer who was asigned to me by legal services for abused women told me to drop it bc its in our PDL that we don’t stalk harass or abuse each other. I admit it was stupid of me to let her but everyone i went to for advise said she’s a lawyer she must know what she is talking about. I agreed to take nothing from the marriage NOTHING!!! all i want is sole custody so that the boys have a chance to a happy healthy child hood seeing as how my ex”s mother is very abusive and this is one reason my ex is abusive but so far my lawyer has not listened to me not once and even seems to be helping him get more of what he wants. idk where to go or turn i don’t have the money for a different lawyer so my guess is i’m screwed bc it all comes down to money when they decide who ‘gets” the kids. no fair or just and the kids are the ones who suffer..

  • janel

    In my situtation it’s the non-custodial parent doing the brain washing. Upon returning from vists with his father, I get comments from my now four year old son like “I don’t like you mommy, daddy said I could come live with him when I get bigger” I have addressed these issues with his father via email and get responses like “I don’t know where he gets that from” It’s very frustrating for me. It seems like as soon as I get my son back on track or normal as I would call it, it’s time for him to visit with his dad. I just wish his father would grow up and concentrate on a positive relationship with his son instead of badmouthing me.

  • Kathy

    I have never written on a message board before, but these comments ring so true with me. Iam in the middle; our daughter was 5 yesterday. She was stolen on Feb 8th with an ex parte order I was not aware of which after which I discovered that “my” lawyer was actually working for my family and my ex, who contrived the whole situation, decided on, executed and took our child from school all without my knowledge. It is a long story, but contains elements of everything here; my ex never showed an interest in her before and what scares me the most is how extremely good he is. If I didn’t know what I know, I would believe every word that slimes out of his mouth. My daughter describes it best: “Daddy is so charming and handsome [like Prince Charming] it doesn’t matter what I say because nobody believes me and he lies all the time”
    It is hard to stay positive when he has the money, the child and the courts’, the GAL’s and my family’s ears, and I, 40 lbs underweight and heartbroken feel thwarted by every avenue.

    I am currently praying that her recently appointed therapist is a good one. I keep telling myself that it is common to hear about corrupt officials of the court, but how often are therapists on the take?! I pray that she has the skill and training to gain my daughters’ trust, and the courage to advocate for her and help bring her home.

    This is a lonely path. I’m glad I found this site. Good luck…

  • Trish

    Kathy, it’s hard to say. My daughter was stolen from me, when I moved to another state, since her father kicked us out of our home. He went back and filed for custody after we spent the holidays together and said I abandoned her, which I did not. I was allowing him visitation time and i had to return to work. She was newly 3 at that time, she is 14 now and wants pretty much nothing to do with me. I have fought and at every turn I have been denied any rights. In actuallity, every time I went to court, I had another right removed from me. Only one judge actually looked at our case and it wasn’t until my ex and I were in court the last time, that she saw what he was doing, when he started an arguement with me IN THE COURTROOM……and I decided to not be quiet! The judge was in chambers and her secretary heard the comotion and told the judge. Then they brought us back up to before the judge and she told him, he was a fool. I have every right to see my daughter, what is your problem? He said, no problem I just don’t think it’s a good idea. Why? well, because she’s on a field trip at school today and has another one tomorrow so she’ll be tired. The judge looked at him and said, she is 11, I’m sure she’ll have enough energy to see her mother, have her ready to be picked up at 4pm today. MY FIRST VICTORY! She then said to gather the correct paperwork and she would over turn the custody………..but my daughter doesn’t want to live with me. Dad doesn’t pay attention and she has freedom and no rules. At 14, with her friends there, she’ll never come live with me. At this point, it is not up the the judges, it’s up to the child…………so, I have to let her go and hope she realizes what he is really all about.
    Keep your chin up Kathy, you still have time. Persevere and NEVER GIVE UP!

  • Cynthia

    My son lives with my sister, which was supposed to be temporary. Sis and I never got along but when I joined AA to clean up my act, I asked her to take him so he wouldn’t have to sleep on the floor at my parents house as there was literally NO room for either of us there. I was the type of recovering alchie that was too afraid of myself to spend time alone so I HAD to stay at my AA “club” from right after work until it closed. After 1 solid year sober (spending all the time I COULD with my son) I had a new place for us to live and HE declined the invitation. In my over 10 years of drinking, he was never abused and I spoiled him rotten with video games and books and trips. It was my SISTER! My son had turned into this checklist and I have done everything in my power to win his affection but it has only gotten worse since the sis and I don’t speak (over my son). I’m almost 5 1/2 years sober and he is now 16 so I can only talke solace pretending that this is the time in EVERY teenager’s life when they hate their mom anyway hahaha.

  • star

    My heart is literally breaking into……why are men so brainwashed into thonking we moms always win
    So untrue, have been dealing w this for 12 yrs….he has.mo other kids, yet they should have christnas w his mom. Im so sad .

  • Breann

    i have always had custody of my son and never said anything bad about his dad and step mom…But they pulled some strings and took him away from me and now he is saying all kinds of things…How do i find out the truth and get him back to the happy little boy he was when he lived with me???

  • Katherine

    Hey Guys
    This is happening to me, because I agreed to switch round to dad having my son in the week and me at weekends and holidays. More and more I’d get excuses from the dad as to why I couldn’t see my son who is ten. I also never made any financial claims, even though I was struggling – and tried to be good and kind and reasonable. He now has a lawyer and has made a false allegation of abuse, and gone to the Child Support Agency for money – as he has my son one hundred percent of the time now doesn’t he? He is on a pension, but runs a successful business and never paid me a penny in child support but I never dobbed him in for my son’s sake. We are waiting for trial, but meanwhile I have not seen my son for six months because he is using the excuse my son doesn’t ‘want’ to see me….which isn’t true he’s brainwashing my boy just like you say…. I can’t afford a lawyer but he gets legal aid. It seems like the system helps the wrongdoer and the nice parent gets all suffering and grief. So my heart goes out to you if you are experiencing the same thing I am – and the mum’s get to suffer too.

  • Luna

    Reading all these postings i cant belive how a parent would do such a thing to the child such as brainwashing.Its selfish and you are hurting the child/children’s.You are a very hurtful and mean person to do that.But i know what its like because it was done to me.My exhusband did it to me and he comes from a broken family himself so.you would think he would learn from experience but im wrong he is th selfish one with no brains and acts like he is so smart.If things dont work out between the two of you just move on.Dont put the children in the middle and draw them into negativity about the other parent.The children grow up and have low self esteem and bring there past into there realtionship and end up in diviorce or on drugs or etc.Its common sense so if anybody reads this i hope it helps you.But its true about the nice people have to suffer and the court system doesnt do anything about it to make it better they make it worse.They are standing up there being a judge and getting paid a lot of money to becorupted.I guess you just have to be patient and pray to god.Carma comes back and bites them in the ass as they say.Good Luck . I hope this helped.

  • Christy

    I am very sorry for everyone’s struggles and pray for justice(whatever that is these days)? I have a not so simular story, my mother. My daughter was 5 when I became pregant with her sister. I told my mom and she got mad, said C would never be loved the same? So next thing I know sitting home w/ a 3 month old a cop knocks at the door with paper’s my parent had gotten the dead beat father and won custody of my child that was at school. Long story, I end up winning and then again when she was 14 I let my mother back into my life again and yet again I come home from bowling and my daughter had left again and there I was back in court with this vial woman. The judge said let her stay with her for a month and she dug up the deadbeat dad again that has never had anything to do with her. So I did, let her get over her little temper tantrum, return to court without any lawyers cause I had never been charge or accused with anything, was told she was going to live with the deadbeat. I thought well good let him have the last 4 years since he had been gone. No the judge give my “mother” with no explanation? Come to find out she was screwing him too. Probly the deadbeat to if truth be known??? I said what about my 8 year old sir? If I not capable of raising C then what about the youngest? He says “you have another child?” and drops his head I just left in disgust because I am tired of all the bs, the deadbeat bring me my papers. 1 week later if that long the “mother” tells my daughter to get out she didn’t want her she just wanted a relationship with me……………………………………………….. and moves her in with my grandmother. She is now 19 still lives with my 84 old grandmother which is good for her but she is a master manipulator as well as my “mother” so the battle is still brewing she hates me about every 6 months and only comes around when she wants or needs something and I don’t have anything to give her so that is not often but in about 6 years D will be in college and on the right track with gods help C has already dropped out and they bought her a new car??? They do not even acknowlege D most of the time and she and I get along well and have a happy life for the most part until C takes out on my what “mom” can’t cause I don’t get around her. But when D gets on track I will sell our house that is paid for because the man that began all this abuse died finally and begin my journey somewhere where no one can find me if I make it that long??? Only 41 but feel 61

  • anonymous

    WOW so many stories, that are to familiar to me. I am a step mom of a 3 year old who lives with us 50% of the time. His mother has now coached him to say that I “hurt” him. this is so heartbreaking. I love having a toddler again, as my kids are much older now. I myself would never ever do this to my kids, even if i didn’t like the other parent. It just doesn’t make any sense. In the end it hurts the children. I am so frusterated and I feel so helpless. I wish i could talk some sense into this mom. This toddler is a joy and a blessing, why does she not see what i see? We go to court soon on this custoday issue and i hope and pray that the evaluator see’s what is going on. This is mental abuse. I pray for all of you who are going through what we are. Its a long tough road but i believe its worth it! Hang in there everyone!

  • candy

    ;

  • candy

    my sons are 19 and 20. they have been forced to choose between parents. i was foerced away from home one yr ago. my ex is emotionally abusive. i raised them both. now they both work in the fam business. fight each other regularly, bring blood. im dead broke, and they have not permission to love me. they r so unhappy. im scared for life, i feel healing will never come

  • candy

    no hope if the abuser has money, oh the power

  • G

    Ex-husband has physcial custody and brainwashes my children as well. Now has a girlfriend who has children of her own and now they act like one big happy family. He interrogates my daughter all the time to tell him what I am doing, who I am with and what I have been up to in my personal life. But the second she comes to visit with me she tells me how she hears him and his girlfriend being sexually intimate in the next room, how she doesn’t really like her dad’s girlfriends kids, but I notice that my daughter is a little two faced. She is 13 yrs. old by the way. She’ll be one way with them and then when she is with me she’ll bad mouth them. I also have a 10 yr. old and recently he sent me a text stating that he would like to live with me, but I am unable to have that happen. I am also expecting another child any minute and the kids are so brainwashed that they don’t even call me or reach out to me. Unfortunately, due to the fact that the courts orderd me to pay child support, I lost my apartment and now live with my mother. Paying for my two bedroom apartment to be in storage as well as child support and a debt collectors. This man has the nerve to think that I am rich because I live with my mother. Is he insane?!!! The courts are corrupt and JUSTICE no longer exsists in this world!!! I am a great mother, but he has made me look like the epitomy of a piece of shit on the ground. Time will tell how this all ends up… I feel like have lost out on all of their adolescence and now they have their new little family. He will never forget me though… the manner in which I left his ass will forever be inbeded in his head. How people forget that KARMA is a bitch!!! He will have his day as all dogs do. Those that rise will fall harder than those already close to the ground. Good luck to all of you who are suffering in this ugly cruel world we live in full of injustice.

  • TwinDad0004

    It’s just the opposite for me. The biological father of the first set of twins that I am a step-father to tried to claim abuse against me and my wife, and in court the judge talked to the girls, read my statement about the allegations and threw the case out because there wasn’t sufficient evidence to put a protection order against me.
    For the past 8 years he has been saying “Don’t call him dad, call him by his real name. I’m your real dad, not him.” He also says “Those boys aren’t your real brothers. They’re your step brothers” (even though they’re half-brothers). One of the girls now wants to call me by my first name because he wants her to.
    I’m not sure how I’m not supposed to take it personal. I’ve been there for her for everything in the past 11 years that I was in their life.
    We’re now going to court to have the court papers say that he can’t brainwash them anymore. I hope it works…

  • Dawn

    I am in the same boat where i wasn’t married or even living with the dad and my son was being abused so i called social services and they talked to my son and believed it was happening for a long time. Social Services went to the fathers wk and asked him to step out until it was over. The next day i was in court for a evaluation that he did an exparte for parent alienation. Nobody blamed him, and the report wasn’t even final. Bottom line after the evaluation which apperantely the evaluator was paid off, i put the evaluator on the stands and after the judge heard what he said compared to what he wrote she said there was no parent alienation, BUT THAT SHE GRANTED WHAT THE EVALUATOR RARELY RECOMMENDS. 7 DAYS OFF AND 7 DAYS ON. I literately went from having my son for 5 years 80% 20% him having 20% which was a lot more then i can say for a lot of other people. My son is now being brainwashed more then ever.

  • rules

    i had this problem except my sons father was not in my sons life that much after we split up and then he was killed when my son was 8 he is now 16. therfore i needed my mums help my son had abond with her because i worked long hours and i always respected the bond. unfortunately my mum does not now nor has ever loved me for who i am. i was diagnosed as an adult as having severe ADD and i wasnt the perfect child my parents were expecting therefor i was always a problem for them. she loved my son and i knew he was safe and well cared for therefore i put our differnces aside and aloud their relationship and she was a great help for me when i was working. the problem was she has tons of money and gave my son everything i couldnt she also slowly over the years completely turned him against me. told him so many lies about me and made him believe i wasnt there for him when he was younger it is like she re wrote history. i asked them all to go to counseling and my mum refused. my son and i are in counseling now but i did sit down and write him a long letter i pointed out all the trips we took when he was younger and all the things we did together i also did not bad mouth my mum even though i wanted to. i told him i was sorry for how he felt and i want to do everything i can before he is off to college which is only 2 years away. i just wrote the letter recently so perhaps i will post again in a few weeks and update to how it worked. so it is just a suggestion maybe write your feelings to them with out placing blame. i just said i wanted to make sure he remembered some things and knew some things about my feelings. i feel for all parents with this happening i know how heart breaking it is good luck to you all…

  • Coping

    I go through this every three years. My ex husband will not return my son after summer vacation and I’ll get served with court papers to maintain custody. Instead of airing the details, I want to share what I have learned from my parents (they have been married since 1967). Never argue in front of your little angels. I have ALWAYS been the one to initiate contact with everyone on behalf of our son. I will make sure he says his “I love yous” and gives big hugs before he leaves his father and/or family and when he gets off the phone with them. I know they hear me in the background coaching him because he doesn’t care to talk on the phone. I try to ensure he gets at least ten minutes of talk time with them whenever he’s on the phone. Our son is about to turn 10 years old soon and he has only heard me say one bad thing about my ex (we divorced after his 2nd birthday). I happened to have been frustrated and called him a stupid head. Childish, yes. But we discussed it calmly afterwards. All my friends and family respect this rule because if I find out that they bad mouth either my ex or myself, they will have no contact with him. I want our son to form his own opinions.
    It’s very trying and heartbreaking at times. There was an instance where my ex berated and drew back on me in front of him and all the neighborhood kids. I handled it calmly and stood my ground – without incident. It happens. You just need to stay calm and know that your little angel is the one who will hurt the most from all of this. It’s a constant battle, but I know the day will come when he will see the full truth of it without any coercion from me.

  • http://www.brainwashingchildren.com/2011/05/evidence-from-afar-that-your-child-is-being-brainwashed-against-you/ Coping

    I go through this every three years. My ex husband will not return my son after summer vacation and I’ll get served with court papers to maintain custody. Now I’m into round three with it. Instead of airing the details, I want to share what I have learned from my parents (they have been married since 1967). Never argue in front of your little angels. I have ALWAYS been the one to initiate contact with everyone on behalf of our son. I will make sure he says his “I love yous” and gives big hugs before he leaves his father and/or family and when he gets off the phone with them. I know they hear me in the background coaching him because he doesn’t care to talk on the phone. I try to ensure he gets at least ten minutes of talk time with them whenever he’s on the phone. Our son is about to turn 10 years old soon and he has only heard me say one bad thing about my ex (we divorced after his 2nd birthday). I happened to have been frustrated and called him a stupid head. Childish, yes. But we discussed it calmly afterwards. All my friends and family respect this rule because if I find out that they bad mouth either my ex or myself, they will have no contact with him. I want our son to form his own opinions.
    It’s very trying and heartbreaking at times. There was an instance where my ex berated and drew back on me in front of him and all the neighborhood kids. I handled it calmly and stood my ground – without incident. It happens. You just need to stay calm and know that your little angel is the one who will hurt the most from all of this. It’s a constant battle, but I know the day will come when he will see the full truth of it without any coercion from me.

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