What keeps a parent who is capable of damaging a child mentally and emotionally from damaging them physically or sexually as well?
Not much.
Parents who are mentally abusive lack the ability to control themselves. Which means they’re unable to contain their emotions, which then spills into doing what’s right for their child, which is sheltering them from harm– any harm. A parent who is OK knowing that their child is suffering (especially over lies that the parent creates) is a toxic father or mother, and toxic fathers and mothers are bad people who have few limits on what they’re capable of doing.
What I’ve noticed in my own experiences and in the experiences of blog commenters is that parents who can harm kids on one level frequently harm them on others, too.
These “manure-spreading” parents are capable of damaging kids across the spectrum of child abuse: physically, mentally, sexually, medically, and educationally. To be fair, few toxic parents damage via all of the five categories.
Examples
A parent who is physically or sexually abusive is also mentally abusive. Comments are made such as:
“Look what you made me do, don’t tell anyone about this or else…”
“This is your fault because…”
Name calling also goes hand in hand with these forms of abuse.
Here’s the thing: You can’t have a physically or sexually abusive parent who isn’t also mentally abusive. Any attack on a child’s body also is an attack on their mind.
To restate something important, not all parents who are mentally abusive are physically or sexually abusive. However, they have the potential to be, and too frequently are.
Bottom line? Once someone’s an abusive parent in one of the categories, they very often abuse on one or more of the others.
[If you are curious about the use of the terms "medical abuse" (also known as Munchausen by Proxy) and "educational abuse," click the respective links...]
I looked over your entire site. I don’t think I have to tell you that you don’t write on here enough. Man, there is SO much to say about bad, brainwashing parents and grandparents. My fiance’s four year old daughter exhibits so many of these symptoms and traits, it’s amazing… and not in a good way. Her father and his family are definitely brainwashing her on the 3 1/2 days a week they have her.
So far I’ve seen evidence of major PAS. Every time she is told she can’t have something or it’s time for bed, immediately she says, “Well then I’ll just go back to daddy’s house.” It’s so clear that they are not disciplining her at ALL and then telling her if her mean mommy ever stops her from having or doing something she wants, she’s always welcome to come back to the good house where they have chocolate for breakfast and bedtime is arbitrary. It’s so obvious. The brainwashing grandmother post from a couple years ago rang SO true, and I knew it was going to happen from the minute I met this evil lady. It was so obvious. She runs her entire household, has brainwashed her son, the father of my soon to be stepdaughter, to the point where he refuses to even move out or get a job worth having, and the fact that he runs his life and his daughter’s life (half the time) the way SHE wants everything done. The article photo of the brainwashing grandmother is perfect. That’s exactly how I view that draconian woman.
When she is over there, daddy plays inappropriate video games in front of her that prompt nightly nightmares and she has lately been repeating the “f-word”, which she has never heard from her mother or from me, and in a way that he would say it when playing these video games. Earlier today, in a moment of honesty, she asked me if it was okay that she didn’t really like her daddy too much, and I said, “It is always okay to feel however you feel. Don’t ever let anyone tell you that your feelings aren’t okay. Why do you say that?” She said, “He doesn’t love me the way you and mommy do.” Thank God for a smart kid. I don’t think she understands what exactly it is she is going through, but I think she recognizes it. We refuse to suggest the idea that anything bad might be going on, but she definitely realizes she isn’t “in Kansas anymore”, for lots of reasons.
We are currently documenting everything and working on getting the parents into court. It might be sole custody time. Thanks for pointing us in the right direction and keep up the good work.
Chin up, my friend. I still believe everything ends up working out for the best. Your son is getting older now. You have more leverage in the courts than we do now if your son is picking up on your ex’s evil ways. Use it.
My mother used to have me on 9 medications in the morning, 3 in the afternoon, and 7 at night. Apparently I had, asberger’s syndrome, OCD, PDD, ADHD, tourrett’s syndrome, and many more. But I don’t. She had me living in hate of my father for about 9 years, she made me feel terrible about myself, and had me cleaning all day and night. it was terrible. when I broke away, thanks to my fiance, I found out a lot of truths. she won’t even talk to me now.