Tag Archives: victimhood

Victimhood and Parental Alienation Syndrome

Posted on September 1, 2013 by in Brainwashing

“By seeing himself as a victim, a person is able to justify just about any kind of immoral action”

Parents that try to peel a child’s love away from an ex all have something in common: they view themselves as victims in the failed marriage or relationship. A parent who is going through a divorce or just went through one can either pick up the pieces, shoulder the hurt, and move on… or they can view themselves as an aggrieved party. The former tend to keep talk about the ex to a minimum, no matter what he or she did wrong or even maliciously.

The latter, however, set the stage for hostile action against their ex which includes turning the child on him or her. Called “Parental Alienation Syndrome” by most professionals (I’ve never liked this term, as a lie that one parent is not worthy of love is abuse— not a “syndrome”).

There is a direct correlation… the more a parent sees himself or herself as a victim, the greater the possibility that he or she will go after the child’s relationship with ex. And once they do, there is often no limit to their efforts. They will falsely accuse and malign everything associated with their ex, and will manipulate the child like a puppet. In short, they have little to no boundaries. They will spill anything damning– both truths and lies– into the child’s soul. So can you blame the child, who loves this parent unconditionally, for believing the messages being heard?

Sadly, there is no short term solution to you, the alienated parent. Sitting your child down and speaking factually about yourself and what’s going on will, in fact, usually backfire (except with teenagers, but you have to be careful). Long term, instead of using words, be yourself and use your actions to allow your child to see who you are. Over the course of a few years and long summers together (especially important for noncustodial parents), all the vicious lies and stories will begin to be questioned by the child. Consciously, subconsciously, or both. But you have to be patient– this is going to take years! But once this happens, the reversal of their hardened heart towards you will begin…

"You owe me"

Posted on August 4, 2013 by in Exposing the methods

High level brainwashers (parents actively campaigning to eliminate an ex from the child’s life) very frequently have a “You owe me” expectation once the child becomes an adult. How does this come about?

It’s simple.

High level brainwashers are hyper-selfish people who are experts in playing the victimhood card. They view parenting not only as an obligation but also a favor to their child, and expect something in return down the line. This is the ultimate form of entitlement. Moreover, they view the child as an extension of themselves, not as an autonomous human being. They’re clueless to the notion of,

“One’s child is not an extension, let alone a clone, of oneself” – Dennis Prager

The brainwasher’s thought as the child nears adulthood is, “How dare you leave me and live an independent life!” Any guesses on where this next leads? It leads to the parent heaping a heavy dose of guilt onto the child. And further victimhood status:

  • “You don’t love me anymore, that you would even consider moving away to New York”
  • “I gave you all of this, and now you’re going to love someone else?”
  • “I sacrificed the last two decades to raise you, and this is the thanks I get?”

In raising kids, these parents try to make themselves indispensable to the child, and have an entitlement mentality that eventually turns into “You owe me.” It’s completely unhealthy emotionally. Instead of turning to another adult for emotional support, this type of parent turns to the child, using him or her as an emotional confidant or spouse.

That’s the unfortunate thing about high level alienators. Their inappropriate enmeshment with their own child doesn’t cease upon the child’s entering adulthood. Rather, it kicks into new gear, centered around guilting the child for expressing and acting on his or her natural desire for independence. To these parents, this is a threat of the highest level imaginable– not being needed.

But what happens when the child, now an adult, resists such manipulation?

The alienating parent will do one of three things:

  1. Tell sob stories of how miserable they are (guilting the child), perpetuating their “victim” status
  2. Complain about the lack of respect their child is giving them (guilting the child)
  3. Write their child off completely (the ultimate act of guilting/vengeance)

Don’t underestimate the ability of a toxic, manipulative, brainwashing parent to wreak havoc on their adult children by playing the “You owe me” tactic.

Bonus: Adulthood is usually the time where these children become closer to the non-alienating parent, no matter how much damage was done by the brainwasher. The truth eventually comes out– always– and the brainwashing boomerang goes into effect.