One lie that many brainwashing parents do to their children is making up completely fictitious stories about why the ex did not appear for, or appeared late for, visitation drop-offs or exchanges.
In my case, I told my son and his Mom that I wouldn’t be able to pick him up for consecutive weekends ahead of time. Funny thing is, I actually figured his Mom might bring him to the normal 4pm Friday exchange location anyway. Sure enough: she did. The next time I saw my son, he mentioned that Mom has been taking him on those Fridays to the exchange point in order to wait on me. He said that he was “confused.” Of course he was– confusion between my words of “I won’t be there on these weekends” and Mom’s act driving him there in order to wait on me, knowing full well that I won’t be there.
This is another sad example of parental soul-destruction leveled onto children. To take pleasure in watching your children absorb with heartache the lie that the other parent doesn’t care enough to show is very sick.
Here are some examples of how these mentally abusive parents operate:
SITUATION #1
You are 5 minutes late.
MEANING GIVEN BY YOUR EX TO YOUR KIDS
You don’t really care that much about seeing them. If you did, you would never show up late.SITUATION #2
You need to move the time back 30 minutes due to traffic, work, etc.
MEANING GIVEN BY YOUR EX
Ex shows up at original time and explains how inconsiderate you are to be 30 minutes late.SITUATION #3
You let ex know you’ll be out of town for a weekend or month.
MEANING GIVE BY YOUR EX
Ex shows up at your weekends’ normal time and place with your children, and informs your children that their Mommy or Daddy must not love them very much and doesn’t want to see them.
Parents willing to do this are completely OK with seeing their kids suffer. Instead of building the little tikes up with excitement, which is what nurturing parents do, these bad exes would rather plant a mean lie into their kids’ heads in order to poison the relationship to their very own parent.
So it’s important to always talk about any missed or late drop-offs or exchanges with your kids. Mention how you’re sorry you’re a bit late, and the reason. If you’re gone for a weekend or more, let them know ahead of time, and also address it when you see them again. Ask them directly, “You haven’t waited at all where I didn’t show up, have you?”
You’ve got to be assertive but calm with issues like this involving your brainwashed children. Once your ex pulls this harmful maneuver, you also need to tell your children this:
“Son, if you ever show up and I’m not there at all, know that there’s a misunderstanding or a missed phone call or something. As I would never not pick you up unless it was something big or was a big misunderstanding.”
And if your children have a cellphone, instruct them to text or call you if they are ever waiting and it seems that you won’t show up.
Remember, you need to be assertive in these matters around your kids when they’re in the midst of a brainwashing campaign.
This is exactly what we are going through. I thought i had gone through some tough things but this by far is so frusterating and i can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. Will the evaluator see through this stuff? I love this little boy so much and the things that are going on here are so wrong and i feel so helpless. Does anyone not see that it is the child getting hurt too?! Thanks for this site, i am learning and educating my self on a few things!
Wow, you mean my ex isn’t the only one that does this? I don’t know whether to be relieved that someone may not actually think I’m crazy to think this is happening, or sickened that people would do this to their own children. I think it’s a little of both.
What I don’t understand is why? I never wanted to keep my children from my ex, and yet he has done all he could to keep them from me.
I’m so glad you have this website to promote awareness that things like this are really happening. Keep up the good work.
Thanks, Elaine.
Parents that do this are evil people. To actually be OK with inventing a story that causes your own child to suffer is abusive. Intentionally causing a child emotional pain is no less abusive than physical injury to the child… and the scars can last for decades.
My ex did this one to me. He would repeatedly deny my requests to clarify schedule changes well ahead of time. Leave off pertinent details until the last minute. Wait until that last minute and inform me through email knowing that I can’t and don’t check my email daily. Show up at the designated time and stir up the kids emotions against me. Sick Sad Behavior. Was he gaining pleasure at seeing the children in pain? Was he happy that he was proving himself superior? How will we ever know?
I am the step mom of two wonderful little girls whose mother is completely brainwashing them. When I first met my husband, he had two little girls who adored their father, followed him around and looked at him with admiration. That was 8 years ago. Now, they are so confused as to what they are supposed to feel and how they are supposed to act, it breaks both of our hearts. When we got married three years ago, the brainwashing was taken up a notch. It is horrifying to me to see the damage being done to these girls. The worst part is that their mom is a counselor! I honestly thinkg that I love these girls more than their biological mom, because I would never, ever, do something to hurt their emotional well being. It is very hard to watch as the step parent, because sometimes I feel even more helpless. And what is even more frustrating is that she is so manipulative, that I am quite confident that she would look at posts and blogs like these and feel like she is the victim, and that it is my husband who behaves this way. I don’t understand why someone would work so hard to destroy a child’s relationship with their father. There are so many kids out there who don’t have good dad’s, why you would push away a good one, is beyone me. Our parent coordinator actually told my husband that most fathers in his situation would have given up by now. I wonder how many kids grow up with out their dads, and don’t realize a lot of had to do with their mom making it nearly impossible for the dad to be a part of their lives.
im facest with the proublem of my child being brain washed and i realy dont know what to do. he has already showed so miny singhs of abuse it is not funny and tryd to actully abuse his 6 year old sister know one wont lessin even social services i have called obsmond too and it seems nothing happens the child constently rants about haw he gets paid for doing bad things and constantly says that i dont deserve to see him he is only 8 years old. i tell him i love him just like i love the other childern and try to reasher him that im trying olnly to do the best for him im not the constodile parent i need some advise im being hit hard they have made sher i spend every dime i get on lawyers and im complettly browck i hat to say it but i need seoreous advice and i have allready been help by legal add to caues at one period i dint get to see my son for 10 months caues i dint have the money to get to see him im so upset there trying to do the same thing agin and im running out of sorces i love my child and i know im a good mommy the funny thing is his dad dont even take care of him its his step mother and this lady just became the step mother caues she married the grandpa so that my child could call her mamal i have even caught my child calling her mom i feel so helpless